TIPS ON EARLY YEARS OF MARRIAGE

With all of these benefits, it’s no wonder that researchers like myself are compelled to discover the secrets to a happy relationship and true love. When my NIH research study started, it focused on identifying what keeps marriages together, healthy, and happy—and what breaks marriages
apart.

When the project first received funding from the National Institutes of Health, the goal was to follow a diverse group of married couples for only four years, which is why the project is officially named “The Early Years of Marriage” (EYM) Study. But after catching a glimpse of how powerful the findings were, we decided to follow the couples indefinitely: from the early days of marriage, through separations and divorces, on to new marriages or partnerships, and through the twilight years.

Today, we survey and study all 746 individuals from the original study, even if they are no longer married to each other. The study started in 1986 with 373 heterosexual married couples from an anonymous county in the Midwest. To find a study group that was truly representative of everyone who was getting married at the time, we turned to the local county’s marriage licenses. Working with
the county clerk’s office, we obtained names and contact information for all black and white American couples who applied for a marriage license within a three-month period of time.


The particular county we selected was a good one, because there were couples and individuals from
all walks of life and communities—from poor, inner-city neighborhoods to posh suburban areas. Also, this county has a sizable black American population. Although we would have liked to include couples of other races to be a part of this study (including Asian, Hispanic, or Native
American couples), they were less common in this particular county.

We were also interested, originally, in couples who were matched in their racial background. Although interracial couples would make for fascinating research, these couples have different experiences with marriage and divorce, which was beyond the scope of the study objectives.

Over the first twenty-five years of the project, 46 percent of the married couples divorced the spouse they married in 1986, which is about the same as the national divorce average. During this time, we conducted interviews with 207 divorced individuals: 110 women and 97 men.

Of these divorced singles, 71 percent found love again—and 44 percent married their new partner. This book is based on the findings of all of the study participants, married or not, but specifically on those 207 people who—just like you—experienced a long-term breakup or divorce.

Throughout the book, we’ll discuss and get to know those who found new love again, and we’ll also hear from those who didn’t (and what we can learn from them).

Why the EYM Study Is Unique

Many researchers have studied marriage and divorce, but the EYM project is the only study to:

• Follow married couples over a long period of time (more than twenty-five years to date). The study began right after couples were married. Once couples divorced, we continued to follow both divorced individuals.
• Collect information from the couples together, and from individuals separately on their own.
• Survey divorced men and women about their divorce experience, the adjustment process, their children and family, dating experiences, new love interests, and new partnerships and marriages.
• Connect how the events in a marriage influence a divorce, and how divorce affects a person’s new relationships.
• Follow both black and white married couples and divorced individuals. (Surprisingly, little attention has been given to black Americans’ experiences with marriage and divorce.)
• Look at both the external stressors (including money, employment, and in-laws) and internal relationship factors (including sexuality, conflict, and communication), to see how they affect marriages over time, how they change the experience of divorce, and how they influence dating and finding new love.

Other research studies typically follow married couples for short periods of time, rely on couples who seek marital counseling, or recruit volunteers through advertising. The challenge here is that short-term studies don’t capture the inevitable changes that occur in a relationship as years go by. In addition, couples in counseling are more likely to be experiencing marital problems than the average couple. And couples recruited through advertising are more likely to be happier (with fewer
marital problems) than the average couple. In short, these short-term studies really don’t capture the experiences of everyday couples very well.

Instead, we wanted to assemble a pool of people who would be more representative of the “average American couple”—someone just like you or me—and we studied these people over a long period of time. This also meant that, eventually, we gained insight into the life of the typical “divorced American couple” as well. Up until the EYM study, most research on divorce has relied on volunteers recruited through advertising or divorce support groups. As you can imagine, these groups of individuals aren’t entirely representative of typical American people who divorce, date again, and find new love. The EYM study, hands-down,  gives real insight into divorce and dating—insight you’ll be able to use and apply in your own life.



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