THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND COMPATIBILITY

Relationships are one of the most popularly discussed and written about topics. Look at the covers of magazines and tabloids, especially women’s magazines. When they put the word “sex” on the cover, sales increase.

I’m not sure who is worse, women or men. Women have sex and then want to read more about it. Men have sex and want to look at pictures when they’re not having it! I suppose some people out there don’t have any sex at all and that must be the worst.

Psychology offers a rich source of information on relationships. Research areas include mate selection, marital success, and dysfunctional relationships. I will be brief in relating the appropriate results of psychological research to your life.

Two helpful approaches regarding relationships are: 1) similarity and 2) complementary.


The theory of similarity states that the more like a person you are, the more likely you are to like each other. In other words, the more similar another person is to you, the more likely you are to choose him or her and to enjoy success in a relationship. Think about the question, “What do we have in common?” Similarity includes such factors as attractiveness, values, wealth, culture, religion, education, and even geography. An example of such a couple would be my friends Edward and Lori. They both are conservative, religious, quiet, reserved, and kind. An analysis of their handwriting reveals that they are both at the middle of the road emotionally, each exhibits a good self-image, and both are stubborn. Both of them have very similar basic dispositions. Based on the similarity theory, their relationship has a higher probability of long-term success.

Using neuro-analysis, you can identify individual personality traits between two people and then predict their compatibility from their writing. The most common example of incompatibility is an extreme extrovert trying to date and relate to an introvert. The extrovert openly expresses her feelings and requests that her partner be emotionally expressive as well. The introvert, a person who rarely expresses feelings, could go weeks without ever saying, “I love you.” Since the extrovert needs to give and receive emotional expression more often than the introvert, conflict arises. Thus, it becomes a case of different emotional outlays giving rise to relationship problems. Once identified and
understood, the conflict can be resolved using various techniques.

Compatibility profiles become much more complicated when all the traits are added together.
The second theory is complementary. One trait of one person complements a strength or weakness of the other one. An example of compatible personality traits is a very sensitive insecure woman that dates a very expressive, talkative, generous man. He constantly reassures her and tells her how much he approves of her. Because she is happy receiving this kind of attention, she works very hard to please him in return. Their two personalities complement each other.

Here is another example that is quite common. A man with a highly sarcastic tendency (sharp pointed t-bar), impulsiveness (hard right hand slant) and a temper (t-bar on the right side of stem) would hurt a woman with a high degree of sensitivity to criticism (large looped d stem) and a low self-image (low t-bar) because she is overly sensitive and he is overly caustic. Although he may feel that he loves her, she will be walking around with her ego bruised most of the time because his expressions of frustration are often mean and caustic. If he would choose a girlfriend with a good self-image, sarcasm, and a lack of sensitivity, she could fight back and not be hurt as easily.

The problem with using these traditional psychological theories is that it is difficult for you to pinpoint which personality traits a prospective lover possesses. You could ask your next date to take a 600 question written personality test, but that method has its drawbacks. Traditional personality tests are impractical for you and me to use. Some are accurate, but they are time consuming, costly, and confusing. What you need is a fast, accurate, simple, and covert method of analyzing each other’s personalities. As you now know, neuro–analysis is that method. Simply look at the handwriting, ask a few questions, and observe. You will get the answers you need.

Although it may seem complicated, it is actually quite simple once you practice. You don’t have to know about all the traits in someone’s personality. You don’t need to be an expert on all types of people. All you need to know is how to recognize the personality traits that you want in a mate. Every time you meet a potential mate, you look at his/her personality traits and compare them to yours. If the next prospect you meet has two personalities, lies pathologically, and is paranoid, you simply ask yourself if those qualities will be compatible with your qualities. In this case, I hope you say no. But, if you have two people living inside of you, believe that the whole world is against you, and enjoy making up lies for the fun of it.... you two probably have a lot in common. I wish you the best of luck and the four of you should be very happy together.

Therefore, just look at the individual traits of someone you are interested in and ask yourself how similar or complementary they are to your own. Yes, it’s that simple. When you doubt how the traits will reveal themselves in the context of your life, analyze your past relationships.

Did any of your ex’s have certain traits that drove you nuts? I know I’ve developed a list of specific traits in other people I call “Hell Traits!” I’ll share them with you later in the book. Your list may be completely different. So get out those old love letters and analyze those past mistakes for a roadway to a better tomorrow!

Know Thyself
The first step to using neuro-analysis effectively in relationships is to take an objective look at yourself. Are you insecure, oversensitive, or afraid of being rejected? You need to know these things about yourself. If you are oversensitive and introverted, you do not want to get involved with an
extroverted, sarcastic, hate-filled person. Your ego would be crushed. The easiest way to take inventory of your true personality is to analyze your own handwriting. Simply look at your own handwriting and compare it with the traits found in this book. You can also use the information found in the trait dictionary or a Grapho-Deck, if you have one. Discover those traits about yourself that a partner would find attractive or repulsive. Check out the trait dictionary and compare the results for a reality check. Before looking at your own writing, how would you describe yourself? You will take an inventory of your own perceptions in a moment.

Be honest.
Are you stubborn or domineering? Do you have to have it your way? Are you a loner? Do you prefer to sit in your room and read than be around people? Are you emotionally withdrawn, sarcastic, vindictive, or mean? Are you generous, good at keeping secrets, friendly, enjoy people, or optimistic? Are you ambitious or confident? Most people’s perceptions of themselves vary slightly with reality. Handwriting has always been a good reality check for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked down at my own handwriting only to cover it up and hope no one was watching!

To make your personality list easy and painless, I have designed a Personality Inventory in which you can just fill in the blanks. This checklist is designed to outline what you think your personality is like
and what you want in a relationship. The instructions are very simple. Check any box you feel applies to you or your ideal mate. Check both boxes if it seems right to you. Be sure to include both positive and negative traits. This will give you an inventory of where your strengths and weaknesses lie. After you have completed the Personality Inventory, make a written list of your most prevalent traits and the traits you want in a mate, as you chose in the inventory. Keep this list handy so you will know what to look for when you start looking at handwriting samples of prospective lovers.

When developing a profile of your ideal mate, attempt to structure the list in individual traits, opposed to generalities of behavior. Some men would like to say, “Uh, subservient, good cook, keeps her mouth shut, good in bed, and serves me and the boys beer during the football game!” (No, we
won’t have any of those vast chauvinistic generalizations!) Instead, break those desires into traits. It is perfectly okay to want a mate that can keep a house organized and clean. In that case look for organizational ability and perfectionism. Be aware that you may be giving up the ability to throw your jeans across the chair when you get home! No matter what you want in an ideal mate, you are the real issue in this game. The person you attract will only be a reflection of who you are. If you are a loser, you will attract losers. If you are an interesting, sincere, and neat person, once you begin to use neuro-analysis effectively, you will attract more good people like yourself.

Take a look at your own personality and decide what type of person best suits your needs. Be objective. You also may need something completely different than you think you want. If you are a weak, domineering, manipulative, violent scumbag that hits women... you need a woman with
a low self-image (low t-bar) and a desire to be punished (pointed backward t-bar). That way, your psychotic criminal behavior complements her insecure, self-castigating weaknesses. (Sick, but true.)
Hopefully, that example doesn’t apply to you. Take a good look at yourself before you start looking at others. You might want a strong person because you are passive. You might want someone equally as strong as you. Make this distinction when filling out the Personality Inventory. You may not know what you want. Understanding what you need is a process. It takes practice, learning, and fine-tuning. Use your imagination and best judgment. Remember, you can always change your mind.

Much of this book is dedicated to understanding people so you can avoid bad apples and recognize diamonds. However, I strongly believe that you will (and always have) attract to you those people that match your needs on some level or another. Therefore, if you are not completely satisfied at
the moment, you need to evaluate carefully all your needs. So, get a writing utensil. Find a place with few distractions. Complete the Personality Inventory on the following pages. The box marked “ Me” is your own traits, “Mate” is for what you want in a mate.


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