HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR STYLE?

Discovering Your Attachment Style

If you have not already done so, review the four styles of attachment and decide which one you most resemble. But remember, you are unlikely to fit any one style to a T. So pay attention to how your personal attachment style incorporates some of the characteristics of the other styles. For instance, are you basically secure but with a tendency toward doubting your self-worth (being preoccupied)? Also keep in mind that although you have a particular, characteristic style, it will likely vary a bit with different relationships.

WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS IN LOVE?

Fearful Attachment: Conflicted in Love

This conflict between an intense fear of rejection and a desperate need for reassurance and closeness is typical of people with a fearful attachment style. When they are not totally avoiding relationships,
they end up behaving in contradictory and confusing ways. Prone to seeing partners as emotionally distant, they sometimes try desperately to get their partners’ approval and attention by using hyperactivating strategies such as exaggerating their distress. However, when they perceive
their partners as getting close, they feel vulnerable to getting hurt. So they instinctively look to protect themselves from their partner, turning to deactivating strategies to avoid intimacy.

DO YOU NEED LOVE?

Dismissing Attachment: No Need for Love

Like those with a preoccupied style, those with a dismissing style are also prone to believe that their partners will not reliably be there to support or comfort them. But they protect themselves by unconsciously using deactivating strategies that “turn off” (or deactivate) their attachment system, enabling them to avoid being in the untenable position of feeling a pull to rely on an undependable partner. They effectively suppress, avoid, or ignore their emotions and attachment needs. They tend to remain distant, limit their interactions and intimate conversations, and frequently denigrate their partners.

ARE YOU DESPERATE FOR LOVE?

Preoccupied Attachment: Desperate for Love

Those who have a preoccupied attachment style are sensitive to the possibility of being overlooked or rejected by their partner, whom they need to protect them. So they use hyperactivating strategies to keep their attachment system “turned on” (or activated), which ensures that they will continue to seek out a reliable.

ARE YOU HAPPILY IN LOVE?

Secure Attachment: Happy in Love

Securely attached individuals are basically comfortable with their full range of emotions and feel like lovable, good, caring, competent people. They are also inclined to think of their partners as trustworthy, well-intentioned, sensitive, and emotionally there for them. So they are happy with themselves and in their relationships.

My Beautiful Distraction