ARE YOU IN LOVE?

The Answer Is Hidden in Your Brain

Scientists can tell if you’re in love by making a scan of your brain.

In a recent study, researchers Art Aron, Helen Fisher, and their colleagues placed men and women in medical imaging machines.

After an initial brain scan, the men and women were shown pictures
of their loved ones.

Then they were shown pictures of platonic friends.


The results show that images of our loved ones activate specific areas of the brain and produce a pattern associated with intense reward (similar to reward patterns associated with addictive drugs or gambling).

Scientists have also used this method to pinpoint and map other feelings, including affection and commitment, which each activate different areas of the brain.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WANTS TO DO THINGS YOU DO NOT LIKE

My Boyfriend wants me to do things I don't like.

You're watching a movie with your boyfriend, when you feel his hand, which was around your shoulder, making its way to "forbidden territory." You want to tell him you're getting uncomfortable without making a drama-queen scene.

Solution:

Just like dealing with peer pressure, make a stand and be consistent with your convictions (don't give him mixed signals!). Be firm and honest and tell him that you're uncomfortable with the situation. If he cares about you, he'll be concerned about your feelings; only guys who don't respect you will force you to do things against your will. (And are therefore not worth your time.)


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;) 
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DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS INTENTIONALLY HURTS YOU

My boyfriend intentionally hurts me.

You're in the middle of an argument and your boyfriend calls you nasty names - and this isn't the first time.

Solution:

Break up now!!! If the relationship has deteriorated to a point that hurting each other has become habitual, it is time to break away before you end up breaking something else - your self esteem, or your bones. Psychotherapist Debra Schindler says, "Staying in a damaging relationship leaves you vulnerable to further abuse, which tends to worsen as one partner seeks to dominate the other, who tolerates this kind of severe treatment." Respect yourself, girl! You know that you deserve better than this. It is time to break away and find someone who will treat you right.

Tell your parents about this so they will do the right thing to prevent it happening again. Or contact a police or worse have a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). Physical abuse is in the women rights. You should know your value and your rights.





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DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND HATE YOUR GUY FRIENDS

My boyfriend absolutely hates my guy friends

The boy next door has been your buddy ever since you were in diapers. And your boyfriend is insanely jealous of your "history".

Solution:

Even among experts, the concept of opposite - sex best friends is still open to debate. To psychiatrist Robert Mueller, a perfectly platonic relationship between a boy and a girl is possible, while to another psychologist, Signe Echols, it's just a "convenient excuse to cover up attraction." Either way, the best thing to do is to be very open with your honey about your relationship with your best friend. Better yet, have them meet so that your boyfriend can see for himself that your guy bud isn't a threat. In fact, he could be an asset - he could give your honey tips on how to treat you right, and even tell him funny stories about your childhood! To prevent jealous outbreaks, treat the boys differently - save the sweet talk for your boyfriend (Duh!). If your guy best friend is really just that (and doesn't have any HD or "hidden desire" for you), he should understand that you won't be spending as much time with him.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;) 
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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WANTS YOU TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM AND YOUR FRIENDS

My boyfriend wants me to choose between him and my friends.


They can't stand each other's guts, and you're caught in between!

Solutions:

Never, ever take sides. You wouldn't want anyone to feel betrayed here. Talk to both parties separately, take note of their points, and then reach a compromise. Make them understand that it's important to have them both in your life. If it's impossible to hang with both parties at once, arrange a "loose schedule" so you can spend quality time with each of them. However, if their complaints are valid (i.e., the love of your life is a Casanova or your friends are too cliquish) be sure to rethink your relationship with the concerned party seriously. According to developmental psychologist John F. Travers, during our teenage years it is common to mix up our different relationships. As we get older we learn from experience that the relationship between best friends and boyfriend-girlfriend are two very different things.



If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;)
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DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

HOW TO KISS IN STEP BY STEP

If it is your first kiss ever, here’s what you need to do. (Please note that although this is written from the male perspective, it applies equally well to women!)

Prepare yourself beforehand so you aren’t too nervous.

Get close to the person you want to kiss, maybe by touching, cuddling, or playful tussling. Don’t make it too obvious; otherwise, there will be a little awkwardness between you. When it does come to the second you want to kiss her, you want to ensure you aren’t too far away.

Now quickly de-stress.
Look at her in the eyes to make sure you both feel the same. If she doesn’t, she will pull away now. Looking at her also lets her know what’s going on so she doesn’t get a fright and get flustered.


Look at her mouth so you know exactly where you are aiming for. Don’t be fooled by how it’s done in the movies and shut your eyes. People in real life kiss with open as well as closed eyes, and unless you see, there is a chance you may miss! It also means you don’t have to have eye contact any longer, which is good because long amounts of eye contact can make people nervous.
Tilt your head to one side.

Open your lips slightly. Holding her by the back of the neck, move into her and KISS HER. Kiss either her bottom or her top lip. This way the lips get locked together naturally. Holding her by the back of the neck gives you control and will make her feel comfortable because it seems like you know what you are doing.
You probably want to close your eyes as soon as your lips meet or whenever you feel comfortable. You will know when the right time is, and your eyes will seem to close by themselves.

Slightly open-mouthed kisses are better than closed-mouth kisses, as parted lips feel more comfortable and make you feel closer. A slightly open mouth is better than a completely open mouth. It’s kind of like a build up to a proper kiss, to get a feel for each other and feel comfortable.
Pull away a little to allow one another to catch your breath, absorb the sensations, and feel closer. Then kiss her again, a little more passionately, with your mouth a little wider. Repeat until you’re comfortable.

Now’s the biggy!
Lightly, softly and slowly, start moving your tongue in and out of their mouth, massaging her tongue with yours.

Don’t forget to look into your partner’s eyes after your first kiss to make sure she wants to continue. If she feels that the kiss was inappropriate or doesn’t want to continue, she will pull back. Stop if her body feels stiff or it feels like she’s not participating in the kisses, because those are signs she’s uncomfortable.


Things to Remember

  • Use lip balm regularly, as this will keep your lips in optimum kissable condition. Don’t use it in front of your partner just before you kiss them if you want to make the moment look romantic and not planned!
  • Brush your teeth morning, noon and night. Also brush your tongue as it has bacteria that cause bad breath. It would be scary to think you are kissing someone with yellow and brown teeth.
  • Chew gum and always have mints on hand.
  • Don’t kiss for too long and don’t feel guilty about taking a break to catch your breath and swallow. There is nothing worse than kissing someone with a mouth full of saliva.
  • Take your time! You should never rush into a first kiss or be too rough. They might think you are trying to remove their tonsils without anaesthetic. It will also show that you are inexperienced.
  • Be well hydrated. Have a glass of water before hand, as water also helps get rid of bad breath.






If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WONT ALLOW YOU TO GO OUT

My boyfriend disapproves of my activities!

You're very excited because you're going to the beach with your friends, but your boyfriend is NOT, and his tantrums blues (feeling upset and keep on ignoring) are spoiling your fun.

Solution:

Even if this shows that he wants to be with you 24/7, remind him in a tactful way that you also value your life outside your relationship. Just like quality time, "quality space" also matters, in order to grow. Nurture your unique personalities and interest, so you can become better individuals and have more things to share with your partner. However, if your activities could be dangerous, your boyfriend does have a point and a right to speak up. It just shows how much he cares about you.





If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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WHAT IS A KISS?

There are two different first kisses: your first kiss ever and your first kiss with a new person. Either way, they are both so exciting that they will be something that will stick in your mind for years to come. In time, your recollection of some things will fade, yet your memory of your first kiss will remain. You may remember trivial things like the smell of their skin or a song that was on the radio at the time. But you will especially remember the feeling you had as your lips touched theirs and you shared that intimate moment.

First Kiss Ever
When it comes to your first kiss ever, the most important thing to remember is that you’re doing it - not how great it is! You’ve seen first kisses in the movies and heard people talking about their first, and perhaps you have wondered what all the fuss is about. It is important to make the point now that your first kiss may not be quite as smooth or as refined as it is in the movies. But trust me, after your first time it gets better and better. With time and practice you will come to understand why kisses are the subject of sonnets and poetry.


Kissing a New Partner for the First Time
When you meet someone you really like, the first kiss is always a bit nerve-wracking. It seems to take over your whole body. You’ll probably have butterflies in your stomach, but they are good butterflies. This kiss is more romantic because you both know what to expect, but it is the kiss that defines the relationship and takes it to the next level.
Who should kiss whom the first time? This is a question asked by a lot of people all over the world. I say it doesn’t matter. A lot of people think it is the guy’s obligation to be first to do everything, such as saying hello, asking the girl out, and making the first move. Is it fair to put all the pressure onto him? Absolutely not. If you feel as though you want to kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend, you should trust your instinct and make the move. There really is no need to stick to a hard and fast rule that says someone else has to make the first move. Good for you for having the guts to dive in for the catch. Now at least you are going to know that you are going to kiss someone and can prepare. The other person may feel the same way as well but may feel too shy to do anything about it.
Decide where you want this first kiss to happen. It should be a semi-romantic situation setting but not cheesy, as this will cause the situation to become more ridiculous than romantic! Consider a place like the park or beach, where you won’t get interrupted by family or friends. A kiss is something shared by two people, so you may not want to kiss this person at a party in full view of friends and strangers. Cherish the first kiss; don’t put it on display for others entertainment.
You shouldn’t kiss when you are in a rush. If you kiss and then have to leave, the other person may feel shocked. This can make it awkward when you meet up the next time. Both of you may want to talk about it a bit, especially if the kiss has changed things with the relationship between you. No doubt you’ll want to kiss for a while, especially seeing as it is your first kiss.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TOO POSSESSIVE

My boyfriend is super possessive!

You're the star cheer dancer in your school - and countless admirers are all part of the package. Unfortunately, your boyfriend (who's a low - profile person on campus) Thinks that he'll lose you to one of those hunkier boys if he doesn't keep you on a leash!

Solution: 

Jealousy is indeed the "plague of relationships" as Andrew Mathews wrote in his third book, Follow your heart. Nothing guarantees that destruction of a bond faster than "strangling" the person that you care about. I like to use this analogy. The more you tighten your grip on them, the more they'll struggle to get away from you. Ask him to show faith in you, and at the same time, try to be a little more sensitive and reassure him that he's still your Numero Uno by spending quality time with him. Your guy will melt and will be less uptight if you show him that, even though you've got suitors left and right, you're already heappily "taken" by someone that suits you best - him!


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com 
Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;) 
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WHAT IS YOUR THREAT ASSESSMENT

Dream Vigilance: Your Threat Assessment

Ullman is also famous for a theory he called dream vigilance. He noticed that as many as three-quarters of the dreams people reported to him were unsettling or downright troubling. Yet the
dreamers who were telling these dreams were not unstable and were not really in any objective trouble. He realized that the dreaming process tends to focus on threats to our happiness long before
anything bad actually happens. A part of the mind is like a watchful sentinel in a tower, looking into the distance to see whether any enemies or threats appear on the horizon. When Ullman tracked
the events associated with these dreams, he also found that the dreams exaggerated the potential for threat, amplified it, and put it into story form. If a dream predicted trouble, it was sometimes
because change was happening and there was a potential for a problem— it was not that the trouble would necessarily come to pass.

Ullman’s theory of dream vigilance has gone a long way to help us understand that dreams often have an edgy quality, even when things are going pretty well in our waking lives. This helps explain why our dreams can contain hypothetical scenarios in the future, often asking “What if…?” and playing out possibilities. Our dreams often recognize potential threats long before we do on a conscious level.



If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;)  
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DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

WHAT TO DO IF MY BOYFRIEND IS TOO DEMANDING

My boyfriend is too demanding!

You're just finished talking to your lab partner about what to do with those pesky guinea pig. As soon as you put down the phone, it rings again. It's your honey, griping about how he's been trying to call you for awhile now but the line was busy. When you say it was an important call, he demands to know who you were talking to and why!

Solution:
Resist the urge to slam the phone! Instead, placidly tell him the truth - it was your lab partner asking about the guinea pigs. Now, if your boyfriend refuses to believe that and he makes a big issue of it, it's his problem. (Hang on, have you been giving him reasons to mistrust you? Think about that.) Don't fuel the fire by getting all angry and defensive. When things get heated up, the best course of action is to coolly tell him your side. Don't put yourself in a position where you might say something that you don't really mean. If he won't let up, tell him to talk to you late when you've both calmed down.




If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at help.bookofdistraction@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com 
Thank You my Loves! xoxo ;) 
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DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.bookofbeautifuldistraction.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

HOW DREAM WORKS

From the 1950s through the 1970s, a psychiatrist named Montague Ullman rocked the comfort zone of his colleagues by starting a worldwide movement that significantly changed the way people
view their dreams. Known today as peer dreamwork, Ullman’s technique is used to explore the feelings and potential meaning of a dream. Before the movement, dreams were considered diagnostic
tools that therapists used to reveal what types of problems their patients might have. Ullman believed that, though dreams may be useful in that regard, they are far more than diagnostic tools.

In a nutshell, here are his three main concepts that opened the door to the modern exploration of how dreams work:



1. Dreams focus on the present in an attempt to make sense of current challenges, to preserve well-being, and to process information and stimulation. Dreams are simply the product of your mind constantly sorting through information and stimulation, and often presenting a distilled version of events in story form. Even when the past is woven into our dreams, it is because the deeper mind is trying to make sense of questions and goals we face in the present.

2. Dreams belong to the dreamer. Anyone who remembers and thoughtfully considers the meaning of a dream may perceive its implications and benefit from it. There is nothing inherently clinical or dangerous about attempting to discover the meaning in a dream.

3. Exploring dreams with friends or in a peer dream group can be an enriching process in which mutual support and exploration can benefit the entire group. Ullman encouraged people to
form groups to share and discuss their dreams in a thoughtful, respectful style, so that individuals could explore their dreams among friends and peers, draw conclusions, and consider the implications for themselves.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
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HOW TO DISCOVER DREAMS AND LOVE

How Dreams and Intuition Can Help You Discover and Deepen Love

It is difficult knowing who is right for you and who is wasting your time, who is trustworthy and who is unstable, unscrupulous, or even dangerous. We try to apply logic to the situation, and that helps. But most of us in the dating world find that we are perfectly capable of making terrible mistakes and of caring quite deeply about someone who has few redeeming features or who just isn’t a good fit for us.

Friends can tell you what they believe about the situation and what they find is true for them; a therapist can tell you guidelines about relationships in general. Family members can tell you what
they hope you will find in life.

What you need, though, is someone who knows your secrets, your emotional nature, your history of sabotage, your fear of intimacy, and your fear of winding up alone. You need someone who
is absolutely and unreservedly on your side, who agrees that a solid, loving relationship is worth the quest.


In the pursuit of finding and nourishing love, you should take advantage of all the advocates, advisers, and supporters you can find, but the one resource you absolutely must take advantage of is your deeper mind. This part of your psyche takes in volumes of information, even subtle or subliminal clues; it recognizes patterns sometimes in an instant; and it knows and understands
your personality without judgment and the ways your quirks and your strengths impact your style of relating and your approach to love.

The bottom line is that the deeper mind is one of your most accurate and potent advisers, and it tends to speak to you through your dreams and your intuition.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
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 DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE IN YOUR 20S

1. Volunteer
Yes! Join the out reached programs in your community, your university or to the foundations your office is supporting. Go and look for an organizations that you think you can contribute something or spend time over the weekend in doing charitable works.  Remember that its time to help build the young ones to the right direction. Be a good citizen. Be a blessing to others.

2. Have a break, Take a vacation. 
We have mandatory vacation days. Whether you can use it to go visit home, business appointments or bum at home. Don't use them all for not going somewhere new and exciting! Make a bucket list of all the places you want to visit. Or do take the opportunity on Cruise ship. You have your own money now. And you deserve it. Explore, have fun, and be happy. Be adventurous

3. Just want to have fun, Have a crazy night(s) out. 
You don't even have to drink every time you go out. In fact, you don't even need to go out that much. You don't have to go wasted every time you go out. At least make one wild night this year when you do go out (preferably more than one). Everyone needs a good story every now and then.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU?

Girls, are you having problem with your boyfriend?

Are you thinking that maybe he is cheating on you?

We come up on a list on how to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you.

Here are the top 17 signs that he is cheating on you:

1. He no longer sweet to you
2. He hide or take away his cellphone beyond your reach
3. When someone calls to him, he goes away, always smiling and is sweet talking on phone conversation.
4. He change his passcodes or password on his logins.
5. He wants to end the night or your daily talks earlier than usual.

TOP 5 LOVE LANGUAGES

How can you guarantee that your lover is in love with you?

In what ways will it show you?

What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language!

Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage.

1: Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

DO YOU LIKE OR LOVE THAT PERSON

The Economics of Love

What creates value in our society? From an economic perspective, value is created by the law of supply and demand. When discussing the value of a person, does this hold true? What creates more value in your eyes
for one person and less for another? The answer can be as complicated as the U.S. Treasury system or as simple as a penny. Different people value different things for different reasons. However, one of the most
fundamental principles of value is the supply and demand of that commodity. And yes, this includes people.
You will find this obvious when you think about dating and seeking out new people to date. Have you ever noticed you tend to be attracted to those people who are already taken? Do you see yourself as a “geek
magnet” while the guys you like don’t give you the time of day? Have you ever been told that you try too hard? Are the good ones always taken? These examples illustrate the philosophy, “The more difficult to
acquire, the more value is perceived.”

It is in light of this principle that nice guys often get walked on. Many women perceive men who are too nice as being too easy. Therefore his value is diminished. Likewise, a woman who sleeps with a man on the
first date is too easy and her value is decreased accordingly. (Of course, some men will sleep with her; they just won’t call her the next day. Those kinds of guys usually have a certain value predetermined for this
type of woman anyway.)


How does this principle affect you when you are trying to find a new relationship? It took me many years to understand what my friends were trying to tell me when they exclaimed, “Hey you can’t go looking for a
girlfriend. You’re trying too hard.” Being a self-starter, I assumed girlfriends were like commodities, if you want it, go out and get it. But I learned this is not the case. When you put a “FOR SALE” sign on a car,
people immediately know that you don’t want the car anymore. If you put an “available” sign on your forehead by aggressively seeking out a boyfriend or girlfriend, people often assume someone doesn’t want you; therefore something must be wrong with you. (Is this convoluted logic?

Maybe, but people think this way.) For this reason, when I used to chase girls, they always ran away.
One day I realized that the women I actually dated were women that I met without the pretense of getting romantic. In other words, I wasn’t terribly interested in dating them when I met them. In fact, my attitude
was, “I could take it or leave it. If she calls, great. If not, so what?” This may sound aloof, but it conveys a meaning of “I’m not easy. I have value. If you want my attention you must demonstrate your worth to
me.” By the way, I am not suggesting you take this literally and actually verbalize these words to a potential lover. It is enough just to possess the attitude. Most people see being cocky as a negative personality trait.
Modest confidence is the best attitude to display.

When one person throws himself at another, without a just invitation, the balance of control is lopsided. Once one-partner gains more control in the relationship, it is downhill from there. Sadly enough, the one that desires it more holds the weaker position. Sometimes, the level of interest reveals the amount of control, or lack thereof. Have you ever heard the wisdom of a poker player: you must know when to fold? Being
too anxious gives the other person leverage. You have to be able to walk away from the table, or you are sunk! The same holds true with dating.

I have heard people say women are only attracted to jerks, and men only like beautiful women. Fortunately this is not always true, but it does apply in many cases. Again, the explanation involves the economics of
love. Because there are fewer beautiful women in the world and beauty is a valued commodity, beautiful women are in higher demand. Face the facts. Men often say many pretty women are bitches. These women give off that attitude because most men look only at their beauty and are too forward—these men act like losers. Men become easy when struck by beauty. Therefore, the beautiful woman has more choices with regard to men. She is choosy. What does she choose? Based on supply and demand, she wants a man who is a challenge. She can get attention all the time from men who throw themselves at her. What she wants is a
man who has enough value in himself so he doesn’t throw himself at her.

Being selective is often interpreted as a sign of self-worth and confidence. These are very attractive qualities. Unfortunately, this formula sometimes represents a jerk. Not only is the guy she ends up with a challenge, but also he really doesn’t care about her. Ideally, she wants a sweet, generous, sensitive man who doesn’t drool over her. But realistically, she wants a man whom she perceives as valuable. Back to the theory of supply and demand, the harder he is to get, the more she values him.

I believe men have it easier than women. A man doesn’t have to be overly attractive to attract beautiful women. In general, women aren’t as obsessed about good looks as men tend to be. Perhaps you could call
men more superficial. However, it goes deeper than this (I hope). Men, in general, have a tendency to be more visual than women. For men seeing is believing. For women seeing is important, but feeling is often
just as significant in creating the emotions we call love or infatuation. (These are often confused, but never interchangeable.)

These are generalities, but they are useful. Studies show men rank visual stimuli, such as beauty, as a higher priority in a partner than females rank it. (This may relate back to the fact that, on average, young boys have
better spatial/visual perception than young girls.) Women, on the other hand, tend to rate attractiveness behind other personality characteristics such as confidence, honesty, or classiness. (It should be noted women are swayed by good looks. Anyone who has ever observed the way women behave at a male strip review understands women can be very attracted to men based on looks. The gyrating hips don’t hurt.) Both sexes are attracted to a combination of looks and personality. However, it is useful to understand these tendencies.

Therefore, if you are a man, know your appearance is not the most important factor in your persona. If you are a woman, or are dating someone who needs to see things to appreciate them, you may have to
work to provide visual verification that you are special. By visual, I mean creating visual impressions like wearing make-up, giving Hallmark cards, and taking him to visually stunning places.

If you feel your physical beauty is less than average, you must create value in other ways: humor, intelligence, talent, etc. Then, market these talents so people of value take notice. In either case, the person you want
most will be in less supply.

It amazes me how many phone numbers bartenders get. My bartender friends get more offers than any other profession I know. Why? Most bars are scenes for people to meet new prospects. The only person in the

bar who is obviously not looking for a new lover is the bartender. He or she is just working. However, after an entire night of sleazoid scumbag men hitting on them, the average woman looks at the nice bartender and
thinks, “There is a nice guy, wouldn’t it be nice if he asked me out instead of all these meat market jerkos?” Why does she think this? The bartender isn’t necessarily better looking, wealthier, or even wittier than
the others. But he didn’t make an offer, therefore his value is perceived as higher. Think about this the next time you are in a bar.

I was on a T.V. talk show with a very attractive female bartender from New York City. She said she got hit on at least fifty times a day while at work. In fact, she had started laying the change on the counter because
each time she handed the change to the guys, they would actually grab her! I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said, “Yes.” I said, “He is another bartender, isn’t he?” She said, “Yes.” I knew of all the guys in
the bar, the other bartenders were the only ones not hitting on her. Men need to learn to look past the physical appearances to see what most women want in a relationship: friendship, love, affection, and trust. You must establish value in yourself up front in order to gain access to a person’s more intimate values. Most successful couples say their spouse is their best friend. Therefore, begin with a solid foundation of friendship
and you can’t lose.

The principle is very simple: “Create value in yourself by not being too easy!” A woman who says, “I am kind of seeing someone,” seems more attractive than a woman who says, “I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’m
looking!” The best attitude to display is, “I’m not here looking for someone, I’m here enjoying my fabulous life. If you’re not what I like, I have no problem walking away because I have plenty of choices.” This
may sound haughty, but it will display an attitude of your intrinsic selfvalue.

You don’t have to feel superior to others, just don’t ever subordinate yourself. By being friendly, but not anxiously aggressive, you balance the level of control between the sexes. It is on this level playing field a successful relationship can be initiated.





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