“Sex is like a small business. Ya’ gotta watch over it.” —MAE WEST

One Jujube at a Time

If you look at the run-of-the-mill survey of what men find attractive in a woman, you’ll get the basic, boring, predictable answers: “Studies have concluded that what men look for is . . . appearance, chemistry, and the way a woman carries herself.” What a shocker!

Then you turn the page. “Buy a new lip gloss . . . pluck out all your eyebrows and draw them back in . . . stick three vials of collagen in your glossed-up lips . . .” And this will get him eating out of your hand, right? Not in this life. You’ll be right back where you started but with no eyebrows.

Ever wonder why you see a gorgeous guy marry the girl-nextdoor? To your eye she looks plain, but to his eye she’s a “natural beauty.” It doesn’t matter if her most glamorous moment was winning the Miss Pumpkin Patch contest on a farm at age six. When he goes to bed with her, he’s happier than a fat rat in a cheese factory.

In general, there are two things a woman does to encourage a man to fall madly in love after he is attracted to her. First, she appeals to his imagination, sexually. Second, she waits a little while before consummating the relationship, sexually. This brings us to the “candy store” theory: Don’t give up the candy store at once.
Give it one jujube at a time.

If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take time to appreciate who she is.

What men don’t want women to know is that, almost immediately, they put women into one of two categories: “good time only” or “worthwhile.” And the minute he slides you into that “good time only” category, you’ll almost never come back out.
It’s not that the bitch is slutty or more conservative—it’s that she demands that he treat her as though she is “worth-while.” And, more often than not, it means revealing her sexuality a little at a time.
With her demeanor, the bitch is subtly “driving that train.” 
Because he perceives her as slightly standoffish, he knows a lot of other men can’t get to her. In fact, he’s not even sure if he can have her. So he’ll rarely get the luxury of being able to assume that she’s a “good time only” companion. 
The doormat is more likely to be perceived as a pushover sexually because she’s more likely to sleep with a man for the wrong reasons—and much too soon. It has nothing to do with whether she appears conservative. Whether her style is long skirts and a ponytail and she attends napkin-folding class—or she wears sexy clothes and seems like a party girl—the out-come can be the same. In either scenario, if she has sex with a man because she feels she needs to do so in order to win him, he’ll sense it and begin to lose respect for her.
A man named Brad described this distinction: “There are two types of sexy. The woman who is obviously trying to be sexy. Then there is the woman who isn’t trying to be sexy—she just is. Most guys find the second one to be much sexier. It may not seem like that, because the woman who is trying hard will get you to do a double-take because she’s more obvious about it. But the woman who isn’t trying is sexier. And that’s the girl you’ll take seriously.”What is more interesting is that Brad is just out of college. And if a guy in his early twenties saw this with 20/20 vision, rest assured— so will most men you meet.
The following table shows how a man can quickly make these observations with relatively little information. Note that both types of women exude sexiness, yet one appears needy and the other doesn’t.

She talks a lot about sex on the first date or in the first phone conversation.
She flirts more subtly and uses body language to convey her sensuality.
She wears an outfit that is very short, showing leg, cleavage, and back. Her sexuality is overstated. She follows the pattern of what he sees all the time.
She shows one physical attribute. Or she wears something that’s slightly sheer. Her sexuality seems like it’s a part of who she is.
It doesn’t seem forced.
She compliments him incessantly or hangs all over him.
She keeps him interested by giving him compliments when he’s hoping to have sex, so he feels he’s “in the game.”
She wears a black lace teddy for him on the third date, leaving nothing for him to imagine.
She hangs the same nightie on the back of her bathroom door, so he sees it when he uses her bathroom. Then his eyes almost burn a hole through her clothes as he imagines seeing her in it.
On the second date she invites him in. He promised they’d “just cuddle.” They end up sleeping together ; but she ends up feeling insecure about it. He has then had the whole candy store.
They kiss passionately at the door. She’d love to invite him in, but she controls her own urges and tells him good night on her porch.
The spark fizzles. The spark doesn’t fizzle . . . it ignites.

How long should you wait before having sex? As long as you can. At the very least, keep it platonic for the first month. This tactic gives you time to learn about him. You don’t want to wait until after you sleep with him to learn he’s married. Or that he has an ex-girlfriend who has chronic car problems and regularly needs a lift. Or that his first cousin recently dumped him when he cheated on her with her older sister.
Giving up the candy store one jujube at a time isn’t about being celibate or virginal. It is about ensuring that you look out for number one. It ensures that the man develops a habit of putting forth effort so that you are treated the way you want to be treated.
Not having sex right away is about playing your cards right so that small things matter. This is when he’ll get a chill down his spine because you gently hold his hand in a public place. Or he’ll call you several times just to get a glimpse of you. And in his mind, you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It’s all about having that magic spark. And men live for that spark.

Sex and the “spark” are not one and the same.

A Sweeter Victory
If a man feels as though he has to win you over first—sexually with his manliness, wit, or charm—he will place a higher value on you.
Men are possessive. He likes knowing that other men cannot easily get to where he is trying to go. Like he’s Captain Kirk and Christopher Columbus all wrapped up in one, he wants to explore new terrain not trampled on by too many men before him. And he judges whether you make “the rounds” by one thing and one thing only: how quickly you give it up to him.
It is true that there are those rare “chance” liaisons between two people who are generally not promiscuous, and it ends up working out well. But this is the exception, not the rule.
One of my closest girlfriends, Brittany, is a pharmacist and a beautiful “worthwhile” woman with a lot going for her. Almost always, she sleeps with a man on the first couple of dates.
Recently she slept with a guy she really liked. Right after they had sex, he appeared to be in his own thoughts. Then he looked at her and asked, “Do you do this with all the guys?” She recalled how it made her feel: “I was mildly insulted!”
If you have sex immediately with a man, he’ll say to himself, for a short while, “She just couldn’t resist me!” But then he’ll begin to scratch his head and wonder how many other men you also couldn’t resist.

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.
When sex happens at lightning speed, the man has achieved what he wanted. The reason he thinks more clearly after sex is that he’s relieved and has already attained his goal. Meanwhile, the woman is just starting to pursue her goal. She has unfinished business. Then she chases him . . . and he runs.
Like it or not, in the beginning you’re subtly negotiating the terms of your relationship. And if you strike a deal too soon, you give up all your bargaining power. The bitch takes her time deciding whether the man is someone she wants to strike a deal with in the first place. And she won’t be a pit stop or a notch on a belt.
At first, he wants to sleep with you. He doesn’t care what you do for a living. He doesn’t care what kind of car you drive. He doesn't care that you like a doughnut and coffee in the morning with Equal and nonfat milk. So you have to turn it into something else.
When you make him wait, he begins to notice that you are “different.” And that’s when he begins to care that you like nonfat milk, not cream, in your coffee.

Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it. 
Men like the game that women find maddening. Picture the following scenario: A red-blooded American male is watching a Super Bowl game in which the score is 47 to 3. That’s not very exciting, right? But if he’s watching a Super Bowl game that goes into overtime—now he’s on the edge of his seat for three hours. His team triumphs and he starts screaming: “Yes! Yes!” His favorite sports idol on TV is now spanking everyone else on the rear while he’s breaking out the drinks for a celebration. 
Ten years later, if you were to ask him about that game-winning final play, he’d describe it as though it happened yesterday. The same thing happens when a woman gives herself over slowly. He becomes much more excited about it.
This may sound “old school,” but rest assured it is advice based on countless interviews I conducted with men, both young and old.
A perfect example is Nathan. He just turned twenty-five, and he does pretty well with the ladies. Here’s what he had to say, wordfor- word:
If she gives it up too soon, we stop with the romance and we stop working at it. And truthfully, we’d rather be working hard at it. We enjoy playing the game, and if it ends too soon, we’re disappointed. We even struggle inside, subconsciously. We know we want to get it, but we know we want the girl to make us wait. Otherwise, it’s a one- or a two-time thing. And then you move on. 
Granted, there are some men who don’t want to invest any effort. These are the men who subscribe to the “three-date rule.”
This rule holds that if a woman doesn’t put out by the third date, the man should stop pursuing her altogether.
There are men who truly want to find a woman they can spend time with. However, the “three-date rule” is for men who have ruled out this option entirely; they just want to hit and run. If a man leaves because he didn’t score by the third date, it’s a clear signal he would have left after getting it anyway.
The nice girl is more likely to feel obligated, pressured, or manipulated to sleep with a man early on. She sleeps with him and then believes she’ll hook him with great sex, as though what she has to offer sexually is “golden.” The bitch understands that the sex only becomes “golden” when he doesn’t get it right away.
Don’t be misled by the fact that men want it quick and they are accustomed to having it be easy. If given the option, most men would love to know how much it would take—the bottom-line dollar figure—to get a woman into bed. It’s almost as if there is an unspoken transaction between the guy and the nice girl, in which a bartered transaction takes place: “Lookie, here. I’m willing to spend the equivalent of two dinners, a bouquet of flowers, and a movie— for a grand total of $255.92. And not a penny more.” He budgets how much he can spend and wants to know how much it will cost.
The bitch is smarter. She knows that if he’s not pursuing her, he’ll pursue someone else. So whatever his budget is, large or small, she makes sure it is spent on her and on no one else. In her mind, she’s the best investment he’ll ever make.
The “three-date rule” will fall on deaf ears with the bitch. She’ll let the guy walk—and she won’t barter. He will end up marrying the woman who doesn’t play by his rules; she plays by her own. Since she has no problem allowing the words See ya later to trip lightly off her tongue, he usually doesn’t feel as if he can get away with disrespecting her.

A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.
Unlike the nice girl, the bitch believes that she has much more to offer than just her sexuality. So she has sex when the feeling strikes her—if and when she’s comfortable with the relationship. She is plenty sexy, which is precisely why she doesn’t throw it out there as if it’s all she has.
After they consummate the relationship, this doesn’t change. He is still unable to predict when he will make love to her. He doesn’t know if it will happen Tuesday or Wednesday. Or Saturday or Sunday. So the mystery and the chase never go away, and he never quite feels he has fully conquered her. And that is because when she has sex with him it’s on her terms.
When sex happens early on because the nice girl wants desperately to hold on to a man, his behavior changes completely The dinners, the candlelight, the flowers—it all comes to a screeching halt. Instead of taking her out to dinner and a movie, now he’s dropping by unannounced with a video because he already knows what’s going to happen.
However, when a woman makes him wait and he’s romantic over time, the dinners and the flowers keep on coming. Why? Because he formed the habit of treating her with respect before he got what he wanted.

Bad habits are easier to form than good ones, because good habits require conscious effort.
Waiting encourages this effort.

A quality guy will stick around as long as he is being reassured in two areas: He wants to know that he is sexually desirable to you, and he wants to see signs that he is still in “the game.” As long as he can see the light at the end of the tunnel, he’ll continue to make his way down the tunnel.
However, it won’t take much for him to get a mixed message or to feel he’s being teased. Therefore, the next section will help you with the delicate balancing act you’ll need to perform so he does not feel as though you are teasing him.

The Jujube Installment Plan
As you’re making a concerted effort to keep the relationship out of the bedroom, remember his objective will be different than yours. 
You want your feet on the floor; he wants them in the air.
It’s not necessarily helpful that you absolutely dig the guy and that you are just as turned on as he is. Giving him a mixed message will be easy, because he’s ever so sexy and he’s trying to seduce you. 
And he’ll be on the lookout for any signal whatsoever that you’ve given him a green light. So it’s important to keep the signals very clear:
Red means no.
Green means go.
Yellow means you’re a tease, which will piss him off.
For example, perhaps your top comes off, or there’s a little bit of grinding action while you’re kissing on the couch. A few minutes later, he’ll think you’re ready to roll. This is not the time to say, “No, I’m just not ready.” Telling him this is like taking candy away from a child after you’ve already let him taste it.
You can’t titillate him to the point of no return and then say, “No, I just don’t feel right about it.” He’ll be thinking, “How do you not feel right about it when you’re topless, you’ve been grinding me for an hour, and your pants are unbuttoned?”

If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he’ll label you a tease.
This is where we get the term hot and bothered. After he’s no longer hot, he will be pissed off and “bothered.” He’ll have far less desire to engage in the game because you’ve taken all the fun out of it. He no longer thinks you are playing fair, and his feelings will change from lust to resentment. If he feels he’s being teased, he may stop pursuing you altogether.
Think about it. You can’t show a dog a T-bone steak for an hour and then throw him a celery stick. If you want a man to respect you, you have to play fair.
The following guidelines will allow you to delay the time before you have sex without being perceived as a tease:
In the beginning, try not to be alone at his place or at yours, especially very late at night.
Do things socially that require that you to meet somewhere in public. Or have him pick you up and then have somewhere to go.
Do fun things during the daylight hours. If you go biking, it will seem like a red light. But if you’re both wrapped up in a blanket in front of a fireplace with a bottle of wine at midnight, he’ll assume you’ve given him a green light.
Give kisses that are sexy and sensual. But do it while you’re out, where it is unlikely to last too long. Don’t get him worked up when you’re alone together, while rolling around on the floor, a bed, or the couch. 

The first few times you go out, he may want to come in late at night, after your date. If you think he’s going to make a move but you aren’t quite ready, abort the mission at the door. If you live in an apartment building, say good night in the lobby. “Thanks so much, I’ve had a great time.”
Smile a lot, laugh at his jokes, and be good company.
You want him to think of you as a friend as well as a lover. It’s a great sign if he babbles on about himself, especially if he’s a little nervous. If he likes you, he’ll want to open up.

Flirt in moderation. Be careful of sexual joking because it’s never really a joke. A lot of times men will use humor to see where the parameters lie. Don’t be a prude—you can laugh at the jokes and be playful. But don’t stay on the subject of sex for a long time, or he’ll view it as a green light.

Compliment him. Let him know he’s desirable to you.

For example, lean close and smell his cologne when he gives you a hug. Or tell him he looks gorgeous.
This subtly confirms you choose to wait for reasons that have nothing to do with his desirability.
Show that you are affectionate and loving. Hold hands or put your head on his shoulder so he feels manly.
Rub his leg lightly while you are at the movies. But don’t tease him; this means stay close to the knee.
Don’t graze private areas or he’ll see a green light.

Try not to get into heavy petting in the car when he drops you off, or he’ll want to get busy. Even the guy with the new BMW who makes you wipe your feet before sitting on his leather seats won’t hesitate to get some “play” in his car. That’s why he bought it in the first place.
If it’s late at night, don’t say, “Okay, come in . . . just for a minute.” Don’t ask him to come in to meet your cat, Cushy. Don’t offer coffee. Don’t offer tea. Don’t show him your remodeled place. There’s no such thing as “just for a minute” after midnight.
Don’t let on you are pacing it, even though you are.
Don’t ever tell him he’ll be waiting at least a month.
Don’t indicate whether he’s “getting warm” and try not to give him a threeday weather forecast for predicting that you’ll soon be ready. Just don’t create the opportunity for something to happen if you aren’t ready to allow it to happen.
Don’t believe him when he says, “We’ll just cuddle.” 
Even if you’ve known him for a long time and he’s a perfect gentleman with extraordinary restraint, the objective is not to tease him.

Be affectionate in public. It’s generally pretty safe, because it can’t go any further.
A textbook example of a sexual mixed message happened with my friend Pam. Last winter, she invited a guy to come into her home after a date because it was really cold in his car. She made hot chocolate and put on comfortable baggy flannel pajamas. They started to kiss. She assumed the flannel pajamas were so conservative that he wouldn’t perceive it as an invitation to have sex. She was surprised to discover that he had much more than hot chocolate on his mind.

Bedroom clothes are b-e-d-r-o-o-m clothes to a man. Wearing something cozy that you sleep in (even ugly boxers or flannel  sleepers) will be perceived as a green light.

Even though he’ll subtly pressure you, if he really likes you, a part of him deep down will want you to make him wait. He wants to believe you are “different.” He wants you to think he is neat, cool, and handsome. He wants you to laugh at his jokes and think he is funny. He wants a goddess. He wants . . . Wonder Woman.
So how do you give him this impression? Simple. Let him pursue you and don’t give yourself over too easily. Throw on a pair of gogo boots and suddenly you become the Wonder Woman of his dreams.

The Sweet Spot
When a man and a woman become lovers, there are still behaviors that differentiate the doormat and the dreamgirl.
One of the biggest mistakes the nice girl makes is she competes with other women. She may ask him about another woman in the room, “Is she pretty?” Or, she may be competing with whatever she thinks he fantasizes about: a model, a centerfold, a stripper, or a porn star.

If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your guide.
It’s often said that a woman doesn’t reach her sexual peak until after she turns thirty. It takes a lot of women until then to overcome their insecurity or the feeling that they have to compete with other women. Sex becomes better because she can tell him what she likes. She’s more secure. She’s more assertive. She can let go because she is not self-conscious.
A lot of women feel pressured to live up to an ideal. Or they feel that in the bedroom they have to put on a riveting performance. I’ve even heard some men critique women and say, “The louder she screams, the better.”
A look at how widespread pornography has become only confirms how unrealistic the standards have become. Even porn movies utilize fake “voiceovers.” This means that the girl screaming, “Yes! Yes! Give it to me, yes!” is often a fully dressed 400-pound woman who is sitting on a stool in a studio and screaming into a microphone.
The bitch doesn’t usually define herself by outside standards. But often, women who are too nice are too busy trying to measure up.
When a woman is too concerned with performance issues in bed, she completely forgets why she’s there in the first place. It’s not sex; it’s “animation” time.
How to Fake an Orgasm—
The Animated Guide
Arch your back at a 45-degree angle and pant like a dog.
Recite a couple of bad lines from a B-rated blue movie. Example: Tell Big Poppa he does it for you like no one else can.
And the basics: “Yes, yes, yes . . . harder, harder. . . don’t stop!”
Then you’ll want to immediately slap the nearest pillow.
Mix it up. This means sometimes you’ll want to slap the pillow then scream, other times you want to scream first, then slap the pillow.
Men love variety.
Don’t forget to suck your finger.
Now for show and tell: Ask him whose “it” is, and tell him that it’s his!
If he switches positions, stops for a rest, or reaches for a drink of water, pay no attention and keep screaming anyway.
Now for the alleged orgasm: Scream like a ban-shee, and begin those Kegel exercises. Squeeze . . . release . . . squeeze . . .
And after sex, don’t forget pillow talk. You’ve had two men before him. (Okay, three, tops. But that’s your final offer.) 

WARNING: If your man sees this page, it could have an adverse effect (erectile dysfunction).
A bitch is far less likely to put on a “cartoon” show. She is much more honest. She asks for what she wants. If he doesn’t do it right, she won’t encourage him by giving disingenuous feedback. Yet then he doesn’t learn how to please her, and that won’t work because the bitch rightly cares about her own pleasure.
I don’t recommend that a woman fake an orgasm. This little lesson is a satire on the pressures women feel to perform. If a man makes you feel as though you are on stage competing in a pageant, don’t sleep with him.
It is much more of a turn-on to a man when a woman is able to be herself and she’s honest about what she likes and dislikes. A man loves watching a woman get off; it’s an automatic turn-on. And that’s much more important than putting on an award-winning performance.

A quality guy fantasizes about a woman who genuinely loves sex.
Half of pleasing him is getting off yourself, not faking it. It’s true that a man’s ego has to be stroked and properly dealt with, but that’s what your satisfaction accomplishes. The same principle that holds true outside the bedroom holds true inside the bedroom: The bitch can better please him because she is more concerned with pleasing herself. He knows without question that she loves every minute of it. And this feeds his ego like nothing else can. 
The nice girl will also make the mistake of being disingenuous in other ways. For example, suppose she sleeps with him on the second date and he asks how many lovers she’s had. She gives the oldest line in the book: “I’ve only had three lovers.” 
The bitch will not go there. She won’t sleep with a guy right away and then try to give the almost-virgin shtick: “I’ve only had three lovers . . . the first one hurt . . . the second wasn’t as good as you . . . the third one had three inches and thirty seconds of fury . . . and the fourth . . . uh, oops . . . there wasn’t a fourth. Okay, yes, there was a fourth. But we didn’t go all the way, so it doesn’t count . . . the fifth one doesn’t matter either because I was drunk . . . .”
If you tell him you’ve had three lovers and you are over the age of a fetus, he’ll know you’re a straight-up liar. Show him with your actions that you are a classy woman by letting him wait. And if he pries or wants to know about your private life say, “I probably haven’t been with as many men as you’ve been with women.” If you become defensive as if you have something to hide, up goes the red flag.
What do you do when he boasts about his past conquests? The last thing you want to do is listen, because you’ll get the embellished version—and you might actually believe some of it is true.
The bitch is the woman who will look at her watch in an effort to drop a hint when he brings up another woman. She already knows what she has to offer is enough—take it or leave it. And if he doesn’t change the subject by the time she’s done winding her watch, she will. “Honey, I’m not one of the guys. Please don’t tell me about other women you’ve been with.”

Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.
Remember, inside the bedroom as well as outside the bedroom, men are used to women who are insecure, which is all the more reason to be different. You need to exude the attitude that you are confident and that you aren’t concerned with whether you measure up or whether another woman can steal him away.

If the subject of other women comes up, casually throw this into one of your conversations: “If any woman can steal a guy away from me, then she can have him because I wouldn’t want him anymore.” Then smile, take a sip of your wine, and change the subject. “Seen any good movies lately?”

If you don’t trust him, stop seeing him. But until he gives you a reason not to trust him, behave as though you trust him. It will make you look secure with yourself as if you are saying with your actions, “Well, of course, you want to be with me!”

When there is that undeniable “spark,” there is only one key to the lock.
A quality guy wants to feel trusted because it makes him feel as though you believe in his character. Until he gives you a reason not to trust him, trust him. If he’s falling in love with you, he won’t tell you he wants to be with you exclusively— you’ll automatically know. He’ll be calling you every day and he will insist that you date only him. Because he won’t want anyone else coming near his dreamgirl.


For months now she has been staring blatantly at you in the face almost mockingly thinking, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm up here and you're not!" She had the perfect faux tan and long black hair. Her eye makeup was overly done which you could only find on porn stars. She had an athletic build and his arm around her.  It was obvious who she was in that picture frame- the ex-girlfriend.
The first time I saw it I had my suspicions but didn't say anything. I decided to bite my tongue and wait. Weeks later it was still hanging up on his wall, taunting me. Who is this girl that he felt was significant enough to be framed on his wall? Really, I'm not all that jealous.
That's a lie. I actually am.
"Who's the girl in the picture?" I unashamedly asked.
"That's just my ex-girlfriend" he responded oh so nonchalantly.
Ya, that's what I thought.

"If you don't want to talk to her then why do you insist on picking up her calls? It just gives her another reason to call and for you to pick up. You're just provoking her," I argued.So your boyfriend "thinks" he's over his ex-girlfriend yet you're not quite convinced, especially with the accumulating evidence that you keep finding. It starts with the random pictures hidden in the drawer that you accidentally find or an email you stumble upon. You come across really unusual things that you know just shouldn't belong there such as her class schedule, a journal that she kept for him, old cards, or love notes. There are even some of her clothes hidden in the back of his drawer. It's one thing to keep memorabilia stashed away in a box up in your closet, under your bed, or even buried somewhere in your back yard. It's another thing to have it lying around your apartment where it's visible for your current girlfriend to see. To make matters worse "the ex" is still calling on a weekly basis. What's more disturbing is that he's still taking her phone calls. What's even weirder is that all he does is talk about how much he hates talking to her. It doesn't make sense.
"Because we're friends and if I don't pick up she'll continue to call until I do," he responded.
Or so he says.
"So don't pick up." It's that simple.
It's easy to pull the "we're just good friends" card. Surely, there's still a spark that burns between them but they broke up for a good reason. So why is she still hanging around like yesterday's garbage? Bitter. Maybe. On the one hand, she's still got her claws into him, and is smugly letting you know that they have a history together. Meanwhile, there he is in the middle, getting his ego massaged on both sides.
I would argue understandably that his behavior might be some cause for concern. Who wouldn't feel slightly awkward if their significant other talked to their ex regularly? Most guys cut friendships with their exes down to a casual acquaintance or to none at all. They may catch up from time to time and keep in touch. They do not, however, spend most of their time away from their girlfriend with their ex. In his situation he dumped her because it wasn't working out between them. For all we know it could have been due to an excruciating long distance relationship, bad living situations, an abnormal growth of body hair, or an unwanted distinct odor. It's not because he stopped loving her.

Remember, though they may appear close, she is his ex-girlfriend for a reason. Something went wrong. Yes, she has everything you don't except for one thing, the man in question.Let's face it. Women have enough insecurities of their own without having to compete with the ex girlfriend. No one wants to seem like the jealous, possessive type. Though some of us can hide it better than others. It's difficult to be the mature girlfriend and pretend that everything is peachy keen when your boyfriend wants to keep in touch with his ex. So what's your next alternative? Simple. Confront the bitch and tell her to back off by leaving her threatening messages on MySpace. Not exactly the best approach but certainly the most effective. Then again you can always get over it and accept his past.
Months later we find ourselves in our usual Sunday routine- sitting on the couch watching really bad movies that I so happen to enjoy. I look up and there she is. Still perfectly framed on his wall. Untouched.
"Her picture is still up on your wall," I said without refraining from the TV.
"Would you like me to take it down?" he asked as his eyes were glued to the TV as well.
"No. Don't do it on my account. You can keep it up there if you please. Who am I to tell you who to put up on your wall (your girlfriend, that's who)?" I respond sarcastically. As much as I wanted him to take it down, I really had no right to tell him what to do. It's too soon to come off as the insanely, green-eyed girlfriend.
He gets up from the couch and approaches the picture frame. "How about this? I won't do it for you. I won't do it for me. I'll do it for us."

And down she went.

A is 23 years old and resides on the Upper East Side. She's easily seduced by sushi and lip gloss of all assortments. Her passions are all things Buffy the Vampire Slayer, step aerobics, astrology, and boys with blazers. She'll peak your curiousity about sex, love and relationships for the those who are fixated on the issues as much as she is.

I completely understand where you're coming from. Dealing with your boyfriend's ex is never easy. And as secure you may feel about yourself and your relationship, exes are always sensitive subject to discuss. You deserve more credit than you give yourself. I would have lost it from the moment they made any physical contact- brush against the hand, shoulders touching, etc. But, obviously, I'm a jealous person by nature. Hey, love will make you do crazy things, or maybe that's just jealousy. Confronting him about your feelings (and his) for his ex was the way to go. You need to have an honest talk about this, even if it means having to ask the hard questions- is he still " in love" her? Will he continue to see her? What kind of relationship does he have with her? And most importantly, can you continue to trust him? I cannot stress enough how trust is so important in a relationship. It's okay to have your doubts. We're only human. But if at the end of the day, all you want is to be with the one you love, then your trust for him will slowly build into something solid (so long as he doesn't fuck up on the way to gaining your trust). You're boyfriend would be a fool to cheat on you with his ex-girlfriend after what she did to him. If that were the case, he never deserved you at all. Trust your feelings. And as cliche and oh-so-corny as it sounds, listen to your heart. I hope you crazy kids work it out!

Women have this notion that keeping things from a previous relationship means that you are still in love with the girl. But in all honesty, I think it's just because we are too lazy to get rid of them :)

Of course, she'll get mad because she'd taught you still care for them. Besides, where'd you keep them? Absolutely not in your wallet, do you? I'm sure girls would not mind seeing old pictures laid about in an old album. But if the picture was on a frame or in your wallet, she'd be feeling insecure to death.

I hate the fact my guy has photos of his ex. But, they're not in a frame or out in the open. They're in a box with other photos of his past. I'm secure enough to accept he wants to hold on to memories. But, you shouldn't have to "hide" things from your girlfriend. And you should also ask yourself this....why the hell do you feel the need to hold on to the pictures?

I don't think the question should be if it's "normal" to keep pictures of past girlfriends. Of course it's normal. Every single person you meet has a past filled with prior relationships, friendships, and situations so having photo documentation of this past is something that every one is going to have.
In this case the question should be more like, "is it acceptable to keep pictures of past girlfriends?" I have a humungous box of old pictures from when I was in high school. It's filled with pictures of friends and my ex-boyfriend whom I dated for four years. I keep these photos because they remind me of good times that I had when I was younger. They also show how far you've come. Chances are you're not going to throw all of your old memories out just because it bothers someone else.
If your new girlfriend is giving you trouble about it then I think it's high time to have a conversation with her. I'm not saying to display the pictures of you and your ex on the mantle or anything, because if you were then I would doubt the solidity and seriousness of the relationship that you're in now, and would understand her concern, but if they're stowed away and she has a problem with it, you're not in the wrong. I have seen hundreds of pictures with my fiancee and his ex but I am confident in our relationship and know that he has had a past with other people besides me. Now, if I went into his room and found the pictures sprawled out around him of him and her and all the good times they had together, that would be a different story. I also think that it depends on what the pictures are of. Anything that would make the average person blush is probably not the best thing to keep.
It's all in the explanation of why you still have the pictures. Keeping them for memories, great. Keeping them because you can't let go of the past, probably not the best idea.
A lot would depend upon your present relationship, if you are in any at present, and how your girl-friend would take it, though speaking of relationships, once you have closed a chapter, why should you want to hold back to past things? Speaking of the question whether is it normal to keep pictures of past girlfriends, well that is actually your personal choice and how and why you ended the relationship, did it end from your side, or hers, was it mutual, are you in a new relationship etc.
Whenever you are into a relationship, it feels so right, it feels like this is the best thing that could happen to you, and you go way out to please each other etc. But the moment somethings go haywire, all is lost and you feel the world has come to an end, yet life moves on, and we all have our lives to live, with or without each other.
In such cases, it would be advisable to close the chapters of the past, and be in the present, as it's only then that you can move ahead in life.

For me, I would really delete the pictures and other memorabilias about my past love, not because that others may think that I hated him or the likes of, but because I don't want my partner to feel bad about himself, having difficulties in accepting and understanding about the senario, and even be doubtful of himself. Past is past. Why would we cling on it to the present or even to the future. If it doesn't even mean anything to you know, I would suggest that you clean everything make sure that your present relationshipship will have a hard time dealing with this things. Don't play games with emotions, don't let your partner be in puzzle state of mind or keep up on how you think, because if you love him/her you would surely don't want to loose him/her or even hurt him/her. It is applicable to both parties. Pay attention to your partner, and how to make him/her happy. It's not just about yourself anymore, its about the people you love that you wouldn't want to be hurt. Compromise, understanding, and Trust in part of it, but don't just sit there without doing anything and flaunt it the way you want to, you have to work for it. It may not be disturbing to you, but come to think of it, If it isnt worth it why keep it?


All guys who are dating know that the number one thing a girl wants to hear is that the guy is in love with her. In the days of the past, a man’s word was his honor but in a relationship girls got to be careful to believe is the guy's word is his honor. Some guys can be quite manipulative to get what they want either to keep the girl as a friend or to stay in her good graces for sexual satisfaction. The guy who lies about being in love have a willing receptacle  to him telling the girl that he is in love because this is exactly what girl want to hear.

However, girls have to be leery and aware of whether a truth is being told for manipulative reasons or whether or not the guy is truly in love. There is one way to know when a guy is lying about being in love and it does not take a rocket scientist to figure this one out.
Action speaks louder than words and if the girl has heard these endearing words spoken but discovers the guy  prefers to be in other places and with someone else especially if a date has been planned, then he is not truly in love. Manipulative guys will of course have a believable excuse because of experience getting what he wants from girls using the lie about being in love. Girls who are told that the guy is in love should not listen to the lies about him being in love and then the resultant excuses when the guy’s actions does not live up to those endearing words of love.
The manipulative guy and the naive girl is the optimal relationship because the girl believes that he loves her regardless of what he does in repudiation and the guy gets to even date other girls unknowingly to the girlfriend because she is under the impression that he is in love with her. But if the action of the guy does not measure of to one of being in love like for an example only seeing her when he is in need of sex  and not keeping dates with the girl, then most likely the guy lied about being in love.
Also girls whether naïve or not about being in love needs to reexamine their idea of what love is all about. Even if the girl thinks that she has found the one and the guy is in agreement to get to home plate, then the girl is apt to remain in that hypnotic state until someone else makes her realize that the guy is just a player and can not really be serious about the girlfriend and is in it to win it just for himself. Mostly guys who lie about being in love are also the selfish type with the what is in it for me mentality which can not be an oasis for love. Unless the love relationship is mutual between both parties, then most likely he guy is playing the girl and the girl is no more than a reservoir for his sexual pleasures if she is naive enough to believe the lie.
It is not difficult to tell if a relationship is shallow and has no basis even after the “I love you” phrase has been spoken from the guy. If the girl who thinks that the guy is in love with her finds herself alone most of the time and the other liaison is only with her when  he is needy for a sexual relationship, then mostly likely the guy is not truly in love.
Again actions speaks louder than words and if the guy is not spending time with the girlfriend then most likely he lied when he told her that he was in love. The girl who has realized that the guy lied about being in love needs to break up the relationship and to move on. Girls should not think that they can get a guy to truly fall in love with them because she wants him to treat her like she is the only girl in the world for an example. Girls who feel this way is only in love with being in love and is not receiving the full benefit of being in love.
To know when a guy is lying about being in love, the girlfriend needs to look at whether or not his actions towards her amounts to love of something far removed such as loneliness and unhappiness. If the guy is not actively seeking to spend time with the girl to confirm his love for her then most likely he was manipulative and the woman was naive and in love with the ideal of being in love to put up with the lies and the deception.


Reviving your relationship takes a concentrated effort, but you can speed it along with these juicy tips to make him see green! Time can take a toll on your marriage. After the first few honeymoon months, you will notice the ‘magic’ and ‘romance’ fade away a little. Your man may hardly notice when you walk into the room. He’s too busy watching the football game or just sitting there doing nothing. When that happens you know it’s time to do something about it!

Day 1: Mirror, mirror on the wall…
Take a good look at yourself. When was the last time you had a sexy haircut? Get an appointment with your hair salon for a body wax, manicure and a pedicure. You can’t make anyone jealous if you look like a yellow toothed gorilla. Add some color to your hair and look clean, healthy and ready to take on the world.

Day 2: Pamper yourself a bit
Remember the money you’re saving up to buy him a new tie? Spend it! Buy a pair of elegant black pumps. Move over to the lingerie section and get something strappy, a little bold but not too flashy. Subtlety works like magic! When you get home, leave the package at some obvious location. You don’t have to open it all out. Just leave a little bit of lace peeping out of the cover. Don’t mention it when your man comes home. Don’t even wear it for the next week. He’ll wonder why you bought such awesome innerwear when you were not planning to use it!

Day 3: Girls day out
Avoid sitting at home and calling up your man to ask him when he’s coming back from home. Be independent. Get a hobby to keep your occupied. Find friends who are not common to his. Make plans to keep you busy in the evenings. You want him to know that you have a life and that you are a happy and independent women of the 21st century. If he doesn’t have time for you, then you are not going to wait around forever.

Day 4: Join a gym
Make sure that the gym that you join is unisex. Mention in passing the names of a couple of ‘male’ friends and how they’re so regular to the gym. Also mention how you appreciate that they’re putting so much effort into looking good. If you have a personal trainer, then all the better! Don’t forget to talk about his biceps.

Day 5: A bouquet of questions
If Valentine’s is around the corner, make a pact with your girlfriends to send each other red roses. Don’t include a card. When it arrives, look happy. Don’t prance around him asking if he sent it. Act like it’s just another day. After you’re done with the cooking, take a bath and change into something nice before you sit down to dinner. Don’t look surprised, if he compliments the food today (even if it’s just broccoli).

Day 6: Use thy neighbor
If you have a good looking single neighbor then call him over to fix the leaking tap in the kitchen or get him to help you with the gardening. Ensure he’s still around when your man gets home. Soon he’ll be looking around for things do fix up at home!

Day 7: Be secure
If you really love your man, there’s no need to go all out to hurt him. We just want to nudge him in the right direction. Sometimes a heart to heart talk can revive a marriage like nothing else. Sit him down, tell him that he’s the love of your life and nothing would ever come between you. Men need to feel needed. And if you’re a emotionally strong, sexy, entertaining and loving woman then there’s no reason why he wouldn’t want you around.


What is he thinking?

Ever wondered what goes on inside his head? Here are a few hints and clues to help you figure him out.

1. He misses being single sometimes
As much as he loves your company, he also wants to play his PS3, watch TV and just leave his dirty laundry on the floor. "I've been in a relationship for six years, and I do wonder what life would be like if I was a single guy. Thankfully, my girlfriend is wonderful and understands that I enjoy doing my own thing," says M, 30. Who knows? Giving each other time off might make you appreciate each other more.

2. He can be vain
There may be times when he's wondering if his new shirt matches his favourite pair of jeans or if he needs a haircut. But don't expect him to go ask his friends like most women do. "I have a secret fixation for online shopping. I have a weakness for shoes and I'm constantly on the lookout for websites with great styles and good bargains," admits V, 35. "I also subscribe to newsletters to get the latest updates — and almost my entire shoe collection is bought online! No one knows about this — I'm too embarrassed to talk about it."

3. He often thinks about sex
"Of course we think about sex all the time," says N, 28. And they fantasise. "It can be the hot girl I met in the cinema or Scarlett Johansson's kissable pout," adds I, 31. But don't get jealous just yet — thinking about the deed reminds him of you and may make him want you even more.

4. He's worried you'll break his heart
If you're worried your boyfriend might cheat on you and break your heart in some way, know that it's the same for him. "My girlfriend's really attractive and I get very insecure sometimes when there are other guys checking her out," says P, 37. The fact is, everyone is scared to get hurt.

5. He feels insecure too
He may seem calm, cool and collected, but deep down he has his own insecurities. "There are days when I feel lousy about myself, especially if I'm having a bad day at work," says F, 29. And if he's been silent the past few days, don't just jump to conclusions. "When I'm feeling down, all I want is to be on my own — no conversations, just me and the TV," says C, 39.


Popcorn à la Carte

I recommend popcorn for its convenience and quick preparation time. First, place the bag in the microwave. When all the kernels have popped, remove the popcorn from the microwave carefully, because it will be very hot. Be sure to wear a cooking mitt, an apron, and a spatula to assist in the removal of the popcorn from the microwave. This will not only impress your guest, it will also make it look like you really know what you’re doing.

If you find that the popcorn is burned, notice where it is burned. If it’s black at the top, dump out the black part and salvage the rest by pouring it into a bowl. Serve the yellow part to your guest, and then adjust the time when you make a new bag for yourself.

Serves: one and a half. (Good enough.)
Main Course
Gourmet Delicate Dippings
Bring a pot of water to a boil, and plop in two wieners. Cook them for five minutes so the wieners are tough or slightly al dente. Pour your guest a refreshing beverage (Kool-Aid). Then send him onto your balcony so he can enjoy the lovely view—as ambience is everything. When he isn’t looking, slice and dice the little wieners and stick a toothpick into each piece. Like Martha, you can truly express your creativity with a wide assortment of different colored toothpicks. Now serve the little weiners with two “delicate dipping” sauces, served side by side: ketchup and mustard. And never refer to them as weiner slices, always refer to them as “Gourmet Delicate Dippings.”

Now for dessert: a jelly roll (Hostess) served with coffee (instant). And an after-dinner mint always makes a classy finishing touch. I recommend peppermint, spearmint, or Trident.
You’ll know dinner was a smashing success when he insists on taking you out to eat next time. Never again will you hear him utter the words, “Hey, what’s for dinner?”
If, after some time, he ever slips and asks you to cook, simply offer to make your specialty: popcorn, wieners, and a jelly roll, with coffee and Kool-Aid to help wash it down. Then start getting ready because you’ll have reservations within the hour.

The bitch is not the woman who will sit at home and work overtime to refine her “man-catching” skills. All she feels she has to do in the beginning is focus on being good company. This is more than enough until he earns the “cat-bird seat” at the top of the yacht.

In the beginning, pay close attention and take note of the following: If he’s unwilling to lift a finger during the courtship, he is showing you right up front that he has nothing to offer you in the future. This behavior has nothing to do with your worth. It has everything to do with what he has to offer. And it also has to do with how you present yourself. Are you working overtime? If he has a lot to offer but you don’t allow him to come your way, he’ll have no other option but to back off. When a nice girl overcompensates, her behavior says, “What I have to offer isn’t enough, and who I am isn’t enough.” The bitch, on the other hand, gives a very different message. “Who I am is enough. Take it or leave it.”
And now, a comparison:
                         “I AM NOT ENOUGH.”                                  VS.             “I'M ENOUGH. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.”
She calls him often and says, “Please return my call.”
She gets back to him when she’s free.
She is on call like a rookie flight attendant.
She sees him when it is convenient for her.
She makes it obvious a relationship is her goal before she knows much about him.
She goes out to have fun and doesn’t make promises to a virtual stranger.
When he does call her, she is mad he didn’t call sooner.
When he calls her, he is curious where she is, and why she’s not there.
She often drives.
He’ll pick her up or happily go out of his way.
She asks, “Where’s our relationship going?”
He has no clue where the relationship is going, and she leaves it like that.
She talks about having babies.
She can’t remember his last name.
She asks him about the “ex.”
He brings up the ex; she looks at her watch.

The foundation is laid from day one. From the very beginning, he consciously (yes, consciously) tries to figure out what the parameters are and how much he can get away with.
Phone etiquette is also telling. Do you wait to hear from him before you make plans? Do you get bent out of shape if he doesn’t call, check in, or show up as expected?

If so, you are not giving him a lesson in punctuality. What you are doing is showing him he has a 100 percent hold on you, which isn’t a good message to give someone you’ve just met.
It’s a fact that most men deliberately don’t call, just to see how you’ll respond. When a woman is upset, she is easy to read. And a man can easily gauge how much a woman wants or needs the relationship by simply pulling back a little bit. So forget all those other theories from magazines about why men don’t call.

Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.

It is human nature for a man to test the waters to see how much he can get away with. You see it in the behavior of children and even in the behavior of pets. It’s par for the course. Pulling back is also something men do to gain reassurance. No man is going to say, “Honey, I need reassurance about where I stand with you.” Instead he’ll pull back to see how you’ll react. When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally frequently, over time he will come to see you as less of a mental challenge. If he can’t predict how you’ll always react, you remain a challenge.

It also gives him something he absolutely needs: the freedom to breathe. If you don’t hear from him for a little longer than usual, show him that you have absolutely no “attitude” about it. This behavior will make him a little unsure about whether you miss him (i.e., “need him”) when he isn’t around. It gives him a reason to come your way because he won’t perceive you as needy.

Try not to say things such as “Why haven’t you called me?” or “Why haven’t I heard from you in a week?” If you act as though you haven’t even noticed (because time flies when you’re having fun), he will come your way. Why? Because he doesn’t feel as though he has a 100 percent hold on you. A top teen magazine recently gave women the following bad advice. They said to slip notes in unexpected places like his backpack or locker, or to “write a poem and slip it under his windshield wiper.” As if this wasn’t enough to give his attraction the kiss of death . . . Wait, it gets better. In addition, they advised catching him off guard by “having a pizza delivered.” Okay. Put it all together and what do you get? A magic recipe for convincing him you are a stalker.

If you start out dependent, it turns him off.

But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.
Again, it isn’t about learning how to play a game. It’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affections.

Or, if he tries to get a woman to react in an insecure way but she holds herself with a level of dignity and pride, suddenly the dynamic changes. The same guy who was gun shy of relationships becomes a believer. Now he begins to fantasize about getting the so-called bitch to cook him a meal, fold his socks, or chase him around. But if you start out dependent on him, he simply doesn’t value it the same.

Another mistake that a woman can make is to put herself down. When you’re on a date, you should never talk about the plastic surgery you want to have or the weight you want to lose. Don’t talk him out of a compliment. This is the time to be sure of who you are. So, what’s the right attitude? “This is me, in all of my splendor . . . and it doesn’t get any better than this.” Don’t spend a fortune on a therapist. Just say it to yourself until you believe it. Eventually you will believe it, and so will he.

Humility? Don’t worry. It’s a treatable affliction, a mental glitch. If you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately. Go directly back to believing you are “a catch.” Period. End of story. Case closed. If someone else doesn’t like your confidence, that’s their problem. Why? You always come before they do, that’s why.

Case in point: Ever hear a man say that all the guys wanted his exgirlfriend? He’ll build her up so much that when you finally see a picture, you are dumbfounded. What you really want to say is, “Honey, she looks like she had the starring role in Lassie Comes Home.” Don’t bother because he’ll rush to her defense: “She looked better in real life.” No sale . . . try again. “She looked better back then? (Pause.) It was a really bad picture, no, really.” (Still, no sale.)

What women need to understand is that when a man considers a woman to be a prize, looks have very little to do with it. In the above example, it was a simple mind trick that goes like this: She acted like a prize, and then a funny thing happened. He completely forgot who he was looking at.

It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

The same works in reverse. A beautiful woman can make herself look ugly in the eyes of a man if she is very insecure. He pursued you; therefore, he finds you attractive. An understated demeanor and a confident attitude will convince him you’re gorgeous.
Never assume you are not attractive enough, and therefore you have to overcompensate or chase a man. Taste is subjective. One man’s “ugly” is another man’s “beautiful.” The first date is about looks. When he falls in love, it’s about your attitude. It’s about whether you can hold your own. Which is all about how you hold yourself.

Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.

A woman also demeans herself when she compares herself to another woman. So, don’t let on when you feel threatened by another attractive woman who walks into the room. If you want to make a woman who is a 6 on a scale of 10 look like a 12, what do you need to do? Simple. Act threatened by her. If you pretend not to notice her, he’ll see your confidence in yourself and then he’ll become intrigued with you. Then another curious thing will happen.

Suddenly she won’t look so good. She only has as much power as you give her.
A girlfriend of mine named Samantha went on a first date with a man who took her to a local boxing match. In between rounds, as always, there was a sexy, barely dressed stripper who came out holding the round number. Her date looked at the woman and then, in an effort to be a gentleman, turned to look at Samantha. She acted as though she was oblivious as to why he had turned to look at her.

When the woman came out again in the following round in a see through lace nightie, my friend leaned down under the seat and nonchalantly asked her date if she could drink some of the water in his water bottle. He said, “Sure.” At no time did she behave as if she was threatened. Instead, she remained very composed as though the other woman didn’t even exist. By the end of the third round, he no longer noticed the woman in the boxing ring.

The end result was that he was completely enamored with Samantha. And while driving home, he kept saying how incredibly beautiful he thought she was. The proof was in the pudding. He continued to pursue her, not the stripper who overcompensated, to get the kind of attention that is often very short-lived.
While my friend’s behavior was exemplary, his wasn’t all that romantic. It should not go unnoticed that a man is willing to take you somewhere unromantic on the first date. If a man takes you to a boxing match, a strip joint, or a place he might typically hang out with a bunch of guys, he’s telling you by the choices he is making that he doesn’t plan to have you around that long. If this is where he takes you on a first date, don’t go out with him a second time.

If you are in an uncomfortable situation, don’t feel compelled to compete with another woman. In addition, you don’t need to expose a lot of skin or feel as if you have to work harder to earn a man’s sexual attention. I know a woman who takes off layers of clothes based on how the other women in the room are dressed.
The issue again is overcompensation. No need.

Wearing your sexuality on your sleeve isn’t advantageous in luring a man. The issue is not about whether you are successful in turning him on; this is no big achievement. He can get aroused from riding a motorcycle or from sleeping. The issue is not whether you turn him on; it’s whether he stays turned on after he has been satisfied. This is the key.

Quality men are attracted by less, not more. If he sees a pretty secretary wearing her hair in a bun, right there in broad daylight he’s going to start wondering what she looks like with her hair down. If he sees a woman dressed in a way that shows there is something moving behind a sweater that he can’t see, his desire to see is greater than if she’s showing it right off the bat. When you show your shape, but don’t expose every inch, the “unwrapping of the gift” becomes much more stimulating. If he has to unbutton an item of clothing to get to what he wants to see, it turns him on more. Not less.

You often hear a man say of a provocatively dressed woman, “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.” This is true until he’s had “his way” with her and then crackers or no crackers, he moves on. The difficult part isn’t getting a man’s interest. The trick is knowing how to sustain it.
Much of holding your own in a relationship begins with how you hold yourself. Overcompensating is overcompensating, and it includes everything from calling a man too much to cooking a four course meal to dressing too provocatively. Remember the saying: The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
If, at a later date, you dress provocatively, that’s another story.
Then he knows you are doing it just for him, so it becomes a treat.
This is why you often hear men say they want a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. It’s what you don’t show that keeps him intrigued.

Don’t let the advertisements on TV be your guide. The woman who sustains a man’s interest is not the one who feels confident because of a particular miniskirt, a belly ring, or a black dress with a plunging neckline. A bitch doesn’t rely on these things to feel good about herself. She relies on who she is as a woman.
“He should accept me as I am!” says the woman who is too nice.

Accept you? Oh no, sister. Slap yourself. He should want you madly. Acceptance has nothing to do with it. He accepts a doormat. But he desires his dream girl. If you want acceptance, go to a self-help group. We’re talking about what he craves. It started when he was a kid. When he received a toy for Christmas that he didn’t even ask for, he played with it for a whole five minutes. The toy he cherished was the one he bought with two months’ allowance that sat on the top shelf in the toy store. He couldn’t reach it but went in to look at it all the time. He got up every morning at the crack of dawn to toss papers on a paper route to get that toy. It’s the one toy he will always remember because he had to earn it.
“I am going the extra mile.”
“She is trying too hard. She’s desperate.”
“I am nurturing.”
 “She is mothering.”
“I don’t want to play games.”
“She talks too much.”
“I am giving 100 percent so I can make it work.”
“She is really nice, but there just isn’t any chemistry.”

But with the bitch? There’s no lack of sexual chemistry.

She Has That “Je Ne Sais Quoi”
Je ne sais quoi is a French expression that translates to “I don’t know what.” It implies “that something special” that there aren’t words for. It is that elusive charming quality you just cannot put your finger on. What does this quality boil down to? A woman who is comfortable in her own skin and cannot be made to feel bad about herself.

It isn’t about looks; gorgeous women get dumped every day. It isn’t about intelligence. Women of all types, from brilliant women to women with the IQ equivalent of plant life, pull it off every day. It’s about mystery and learning how to create intrigue.

When you lose your edge, the relationship loses its fire. Think of him as the match. You are the striking board on the back of the match cover. When the rough edge or sand wears off and starts to become dull, it is much harder to get that spark.

For example, the man may say. “Maybe I need a little time to think things over.” The woman who is too nice responds, “Please don’t leave me.” Not the bitch. She offers to help him pack. Why (choose A, B, or C)?
A. She is helpful.
B. He can’t pack.
C. She loves herself.
Hint: The correct answer is C. Because she loves herself, the bitch doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t want her. She doesn’t grab his ankles and beg for mercy. She keeps that edge. And, in doing so, she prevents him from wanting to go.

Her aura says she doesn’t want him desperately enough, need him desperately enough, or let him get under her skin enough. She is driving that train. Effortlessly. And it is that very ease that translates into charm.
Je ne sais quoi is a sexy devil-may-care attitude. Not only isn’t the bitch needy of him, she often isn’t focused on him.

Ever notice that when you are on the phone ignoring the man you are with, suddenly he’ll kiss your neck and try to get your attention?
Ignore him and he is intrigued. Make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.

The biggest variable between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.

Margaret Atwood said, “Fear has a smell, as love does.” It is said that excitement and fear come from the same part of the brain.

When a man is slightly afraid of losing a woman, his excitement is piqued.
His psyche is like a plant. It needs water but also air to breathe. To give a man too much reassurance too soon is the same as overwatering a plant. It kills it.

One of the things women have to get out of their mindset is the notion of what a bitch is. A bitch is nice. She’s sweet as a Georgia peach. She smiles and she is feminine. She just doesn’t makedecisions based on the fear of losing a man.

The difference between the bitch and the nice girl is not so much in their personalities or in their demeanor. It has nothing to do with how abrasive a woman is. A bitch is a bitch with her actions, because she isn’t willing to give herself up.

If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

The bitch remains the person she is throughout her relationship with a man. She doesn’t lose her friends. She doesn’t give up her career or her hobbies. She doesn’t give up all of her time or bend over backward. And, unlike the nice girl, she is not too tolerant of disrespect.
She also keeps her edge and has enormous self-respect; she holds the conviction that her self-worth governs her decisions.
Because she is not afraid, ironically he becomes afraid to lose her.
Because she is not needy, he starts to need her. Because she isn’t
dependent on him, he begins to depend on her. It’s like a reverse magnet. The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.

Meet the “New and Improved” Bitch Let us conclude this chapter by redefining the word bitch. Think of it as a “term of endearment.” A bitch is not a woman who speaks in a harsh tone of voice. It is not a woman who is abrasive or rude.

She is polite but clear. She communicates directly with a man, in much the same way men communicate with one another. In this way, it’s easier for a man to deal with her than with a woman who waffles or appears too emotional, because the emotionally sensitive type of woman confuses him. The bitch knows what she likes and has an easier time expressing it directly. As a result, she usually gets what she wants. Here are the ten characteristics that define her.

1. She maintains her independence. It doesn’t matter if she is the CEO of a company or a waitress at Denny’s. She earns an honest living. She has honor, and she isn’t standing there with her hand out.

2. She doesn’t pursue him. The moon and the sun and the stars don’t revolve around him. She doesn’t make her dates with him when her horoscope advises that his big Mercury is about to retrograde in her little Venus. She doesn’t chase him or keep tabs on him. He is not the center of the world.

3. She is mysterious. There is a difference between honesty and disclosure. She is honest but does not reveal everything. She isn’t verbally putting her cards on the table. Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.

4. She leaves him wanting. She doesn’t see him every night or leave long messages on his machine. She isn’t on a first-name basis with his secretary in one week. Men equate longing with love. Longing is good.

5. She doesn’t let him see her sweat. She keeps communication from getting messy and avoids communicating when upset. When she clears her head, she is succinct and speaks in a “bottom line” way.

6. She remains in control of her time. She takes it slowly, especially when he wants to hurry. She moves to her rhythm, not his, preventing him from taking control of her.

7. She maintains a sense of humor. A sense of humor lets him know she is detached. However, she doesn’t treat disrespect as a laughing matter.

8. She places a high value on herself. When he gives her a compliment, she says thank you. She doesn’t talk him out of it. She doesn’t ask what the ex-look like and doesn’t compete with other women.

9. She is passionate about something other than him. When he feels he isn’t the “be all and end all” of her existence, it makes her more desirable. Staying busy ensures she isn’t resentful if he is unavailable. He doesn’t have a monopoly on the rent space in her head. He doesn’t get Park Place, and he doesn’t get Boardwalk. He gets one of those little purple properties next to Go.

10. She treats her body like a finely tuned machine. She maintains her appearance and health. A person’s sel frespect is reflected in how he or she maintains physical appearance. If he tells her he doesn’t like red lipstick, she wears it anyway, if it makes her feel good.

My Beautiful Distraction