HOW NOT TO BE AN UNFAITHFUL

Well I’m not here to tell you what you can and can’t do, I’ve simply been giving my advice
on what I think will send you on your way to entering a great relationship. So I wanted to include a bit of advice about being unfaithful. I’ve already touched on this a few times so you will know by now that in no way do I ever think it’s acceptable, because it’s simply not going to lead to a good relationship… whether you get found out or not.

I just want to go through a few things with you on the topic of being unfaithful in hope that it will make you think a bit more deeply into things.

Let’s look at some potential reasons why people might be unfaithful in a relationship:


They’re unhappy
They’re bored
They like the excitement
They think their partner might be cheating on them
They’re not getting enough action

They’re unhappy: If this is the case, then it’s quite obvious what I’m going to say now. You only have one shot at this life you’re living so why would you spend even one moment of it in a relationship that makes you unhappy? Also, if this is the case as you’re entering a new relationship then get out now. You have no excuse. If you’re not happy as the relationship is in its early stages then there’s not much chance you’ll be happy further down the line. A relationship needs to be built on solid foundations and you being unhappy and unfaithful is a recipe for disaster.

They’re bored: The same goes. If you’re bored then get out of the relationship. If you’re cheating because you’re bored then why not just be single and have fun, without hurting anyone?
They like the Excitement: If you’re someone that likes the thrill of having an affair and feeling the risk of getting caught, then you need to decide whether it’s worth holding that over your head. If you can live with the thought that at any moment your partner could find out about what you’re doing and it could crush their whole world, then there’s no advice I could give to you here in this book. That could take a few therapy sessions before we decided whether you are going to stop or not. You should be able to get your excitement from within your relationship, and if you’re not getting that then it’s time you had a think about whether the relationship is worth holding on to.

They think their partner might be cheating on them: Ok this is going to get a little complex.
Thinking that your partner could be cheating on you can either be because you are seeing genuine signs that point you to this conclusion, or you are getting too insecure and paranoid. Either way, cheating on them isn’t going to make anything better. Let me explain this to those of you who might
not quite understand why this would be a reason to cheat on someone. It’s quite common that someone who believes their partner is cheating on them will cheat themselves.

There is usually one of two reasons for this. Firstly the person will think along the lines of, well if they’re cheating on me then I’m going to cheat on them so I don’t look like a fool. If this is you, then I would strongly suggest you read this carefully. If you decide to do this when entering a relationship,
you could be in with a nasty shock one day. Say you end up staying together for a long time, and you fall deeply in love with this person. Then one day you find out that indeed you were right, they had cheated on you. I’m afraid the chances of you feeling better because you cheated on them too are
next to nothing. You are still going to feel just as hurt and betrayed, but you can add a guilty conscience to this too. You might decide that you want to break up because of what you found out, but this could prove difficult because you will almost feel like you want to forgive them because you did it too. This is going to stress you out a lot and you’re going to go through a very rough patch in your life. However, at least if you were faithful all the way down the line you can take the guilty conscience out of the equation. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but at least you have your pride. Also, of course, there is the chance that further down the line your partner will find out that you
cheated on them and they could leave you.

Your whole world ripped from beneath your feet for some stupid mistake you made years ago. Do you want to risk that just because you think your partner might be cheating on you? The other reason for someone cheating because they think their partner is cheating on them is actually slightly backwards. It is usually found that if someone is cheating they will start to think that their partner is
cheating too and will just do it more. This can be in the form of projection, which is when we are in denial of our own faults and so project them onto others as a form of defence for ourselves. So when someone is cheating they will start accusing their partner of cheating because they are in denial of
doing it themselves. Another reason for cheating leading to a person believing their partner must be cheating is because they often think “well if I’m getting away with it, then how do I know they aren’t?” This is a viscous cycle, and I would suggest to you that if you believe your partner to be cheating on you so much that you would go out and cheat on them for any reason, then you need to
question whether you should even be in that relationship.

They’re not getting enough action: What happens in the bedroom in a relationship is important, there’s no two ways about it. But it’s not excuse to be unfaithful. If you are unsatisfied with the amount of ‘bedroom’ time you’re getting in your relationship then it’s once again that time to think about whether you should be in that relationship at all. Talk to your partner, don’t just go running off
with the first person to pay you any attention. You might find that there is a reason for the lack of action in the relationship, and that it can be easily resolved. Open and honest, remember?


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