THE DOs AND DON'Ts OF TEXTING IN RELATIONSHIPS

The modern world has seen a drastic change in the way we communicate with each other in our day to day lives. The more I think about it there more I wonder why people still send letters and birthday cards. What’s the point? Just send a nice text..

When it comes to relationships more and more couples are becoming very reliant on their mobile phones for communication and this is risky business. I am 100% happy that we are so privileged to have such amazing technology at our hands; I owe a lot to it. But in the wrong hands, texting can certainly ruin relationships. Texting can be a great way to keep things alive in a relationship and
really get your partner wanting more of you. Not to mention how good texting is for when you’re not actually with anyone yet and you want to be. Texting takes the pressure off actual phone calls and gives you time to think about your responses carefully. But don’t be fooled, texting is a serious safety hazard in a relationship.

Right, the main problem with texting is that it can really bring out your insecurities, or your partner’s. Simple texting mistakes can get either of you all worried and wondering what the hell is going on, even if the text was suppose to be nice:


1. Don’t get into the habit 

I’ve put this one first because I genuinely think it’s the most important thing any new couple should know about texting: DON’T GET INTO THE HABIT!!!

If you find yourselves texting back and forth a lot, near enough all day every day. Then you need to stop right now. Talk to each other about this, but don’t let it carry on any longer. As I’ve already said one text can ruin a relationship, so if you’re texting constantly then that one text could crop up a few too many times. Things like sarcasm and playful banter through texts can often be misunderstood
and this could cause huge arguments and genuinely upset one of you. I’m not saying don’t use texts to be playful, just be extremely careful when you do.

The other side to getting into the habit of texting is getting used to it. You’re going to get used to texting each other all the time. All day every day, knowing that every time you send a text, you’ll get a reply. It’s a nice feeling, and that’s why so many new couples fall into the trap. Knowing that where ever you are and whatever you’re doing you can just send a text and have a chat. Lovely. But wait,
why haven’t they text me back? What are they doing? Why aren’t they replying they always reply?! It’s been over half an hour and I’ve still not had a text, where are they? Who are they with?
Do you see what I mean?

OK obviously this isn’t going to happen to everyone. But when we get used to something for a long period of time our brains and bodies learn to expect it. Then if it is suddenly taken away from us this creates conflict throughout our brains and bodies and we can often react very strongly to it because
our minds are trying to put things right. This can lead to intense feelings of paranoia and jealousy, which as you can imagine, can lead to a rough road. The more this happens the more the feelings of paranoia and jealousy take over our thoughts and so we will find ourselves becoming a more paranoid and jealous person in general, and especially towards out partner. Remember, we become what we think. So if you’re starting to think jealous and paranoid thoughts every time you don’t get an instant reply from your partner, it’s going to start making its way into your subconscious. Don’t fall into the trap! This also affects you form the other end of the stick. If you’re always texting and then all of a sudden you’re really busy with something, or you’re having a heart to heart chat with your best friend, you’re going to feel like you should still be texting your partner. This can be really unproductive if you’re busy with something important, or it can be extremely rude if your friend is spilling their heart out to you and you’re sat looking at your phone. This leads on to a point I’d like
to make about technology in general.

I think it’s quite unfortunate that phones seem to be taking over people’s lives. They will sit on a bus or train and play on their phones instead of watching the world around them. I think this is such a shame because we live in such a beautiful, unpredictable world and people are missing everything that happens right in front of them. But, having said this I’m willing to accept that it is what it is and that’s the way people change. However, I’m not going to sit down and watch technology take over relationships and ruin thousands of potentially happy couples.

I want to get this message out there so it doesn’t happen!! Don’t get into the habit!

2. Don’t make assumptions

 Now that I’ve got the texting habit thing off my chest, we can go a little more into certain aspects of
texting that can actually cause arguments. When I say “don’t make assumptions” I’m talking about when you get a text from your next partner and you don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. If this happens to you just reply with something like “I don’t know what you mean? Let’s talk later” or “l8er” if that’s how you text. This way you can just wait until you’re face to face and find out
what they meant, it’s not always easy to explain things over text. If you start to try and work out what they meant you could find yourself walking down a very windy path. You’ll start to wonder if they are in a mood with you, or if they were texting someone else and accidentally sent it to you. It’s just
not worth it, find out later face to face.

3. Don’t overdo the flirting 

Text flirting is great and it can really brighten up your partner’s day. Sending a random text that’s a bit saucy, or paying them a cheesy compliment on the odd occasion can really spice things up. But leave it at that. If you’re constantly texting flirty and romantic messages, things are going to get a bit boring and fast. If you’re going about your day to day business and every message you’re receiving from your partner is either saucy or romantic, you’re going to feel a little embarrassed and it’s going to get uncomfortable. So just keep it to a minimum and use it to your advantage. If you’re staying in together that night or going out for a romantic meal, send a text during the day saying how much you’re looking forward to it and then leave it at that. It’s a great way to get the excitement bubbling in your partner, let alone remind them in case they forgot!

4. Don’t overdo the banter 

Banter over text is great, and you can really have some fun with it. You might find that with your old
friends you can have some serious banter going over text and it’s nothing but hilarious. Well in relationships this can be a little bit different, especially new relationships. If you’re still getting to know each other then you’re not always going to know how to take the things that you say to each other. When you’re face to face, you can get away with saying something a bit playful and teasing
your partner because they can tell from your body language, and usually the big grin on your face that you’re joking. Well, say goodbye to all that over texting. All you’ve got to work with are words, so press carefully with that thumb. You want to keep it as light as you possibly can, and not too frequent. If you keep it as un-personal as you can then it’s clearly a joke and you lower the risk of them thinking you are being serious. There’s nothing worse than thinking you’ve just sent a
hilarious text to find out it just made your partner cry. So be careful.

5. Don’t text if you’re angry

This goes back to the part of the book that mentions not saying things in the heat of the moment. Well, when you’re texting you have no excuse. Face to face in the heat of the moment it’s easy to
let your emotions get the better of you and for you to say things that you don’t really mean. Well when you’re texting, you’ve got the option to just not press send. It’s that simple. Text arguments are a big no no and they are so very easily avoided. If there’s something the two of you need to talk about
then you are going to have to wait until you’re face to face or at least on a phone call.

Leave the arguments for better forms of communication. You’ll only regret it when you’re arguing and trying to text really quickly to get your point across, then you make stupid mistakes and it seems like you said something that you didn’t actually mean and now you have to start explaining that
before you can explain what caused the argument in the first place……get my point?

It can be very hard to just leave something for later when you care so much about it, but in the long run it’s the best thing for your relationship and that’s what you should really care about.


6. Don’t tell them any bad news

If you’ve got bad news then just wait until you can tell them properly .Sending a text to someone
with bad news is like holding a mouse just out of a cats reach so it can’t quite get hold of it. You’re just going to make your partner worry for the whole day until they can find out the details and that’s just not fair. This includes if the bad news is that you want to break up with them. It should go without saying, don’t break up over text.

7. Do text random nice messages

 Life can get very busy, and sometimes you’re not going to have time to send a long message or
have a text chat. So sending a quick message could make a big difference to their day.
Even if it’s simply asking them how their day is, or telling them you hope they’re having a
good day. This kind of little thing goes a long way in relationships and if it’s not done too often it will be sure to make your partner feel great. So when you’re on your busy days and you can’t spend time chatting, surprise them with a nice text and see how much happier they are with you when you see them.

8. Do text if you’re far away

Studies have shown that texting can create a strong sense of connection between two people, more so
than other similar forms of communication like email. If you’re working away, or you’re in a long distance relationship then texting could keep things alive. The last thing you want is your partner forgetting about you because you’re so far away.


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