WHAT MEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

Being a woman

1 If only I were a woman …
Imagine that we are in a crappy Hollywood movie. The next morning, you wake up, stand in front of the mirror and … Oops! You see the best tits, the best ass and the cutest face that you have ever seen — like you became a bikini model or something. Put that cucumber down — we’ll have plenty of time to play later … A lifetime actually! You will soon stop thinking like a man and learn to think like a woman.

There are some messages waiting for you on the answering machine, so check them. “Hey, Jude, it’s me, Rob, from Club Maracuya. Remember, we met yesterday. I thought … errrrr … if it wouldn’t really be a problem for you … that we could actually … errrrr … meet? This is my number. Please call me back! Will ya?” How cute. Here comes the next one: “Hi, honey, it’s Jack. What’s up with you, sugar-pants? You were so rude yesterday … I had to get your number from your friend — you don’t mind, do you? Call me back, sweetheart! Bye!” The third message: “Hey, Jude, it’s John speaking. It was nice hanging with you yesterday; too bad you had to leave to feed your dog. Hope we’ll meet again. I’ll call you back later. Ciao!” And this goes on for 10 or even more messages. You get bored pretty quickly. They’re cute guys, but you can’t date all of them, right? Right.


Fast-forward to the mall, where we do some shopping and spend “a few” dollars on the trendiest clothes and cosmetics. Then we visit the hairstylist, have our nails done and arrive home at 7 p.m. Let’s get ready to party! You invite your girlfriends over. Time to choose what you will wear … “But wait, don’t I look fat in these jeans? Oh, man, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that burger for lunch today … Oh, I’m soooo fat …” (crying). “No, sweetie, your butt is nice,” your girlfriends respond. So finally you leave the house and go to your favorite club. Of course, you don’t go on foot, because Jack, who is a really good FRIEND, is already waiting for you in his brand-new car. He is such a nice guy. You really like him as a FRIEND. So we arrive at the club, and Jack invites you for a drink. How sweet of him …

You’re standing next to the bar. The fifth guy tonight is coming over to say, “Can I buy you a drink?” You accepted the first two offers, then quickly brushed off the rest. It’s still early, and this is the fifth guy, for God’s sake! How can they be so stupid as to think that spending a few dollars on drinks will increase their chances? You’re already tired … tired of these guys … Some of them are rich. Some of them are good-looking. But they’re all coming up with the same lame shit! After all, you see through them. You sense that they aren’t for real … But where is a real man? Among those guys who keep touching your ass when you cross the dance floor? Or those who stand around you and your girlfriends in a circle and jump up and down like little boys waiting for their chance? Not likely …

A few drinks later, you start to feel better. Here’s the 10th guy who’s invited you for a drink today; your butt must not be that bad, right? So here comes the 11th … Oh, hi! Wow … Look at those bulging muscles … You would feel soooo safe with him at your side. Let’s just talk a bit … Wait! What is he doing? No, no kissing … Yes, that’s good! He’s a good kisser … No, we’re not having sex! Wait … The condom! Oh … This feels good … Yes … Do it again! Next morning, you wake up with a headache. The guy quickly throws you out with a lame excuse. What an asshole! Stupid player … You were tricked into this … It’s only because you were drunk … And your stupid girlfriends didn’t protect you! What will they think about you after this? You’re not a slut! You were just swept away by this guy … It all happened so fast! Fuck, what an asshole … You still can’t believe he threw you out like that! Wait, what happens in two months when your period doesn’t arrive … and you get the results of your pregnancy test … So, would you still like to be a hot woman? With all these responsibilities and guys hitting on you night and day? Doesn’t it get boring after a while?

Maybe you should have chosen to be a little less hot … Then you could eat cookies in bed and cry all day because of the size of your ass … and get no guys at all! So your homework is to think a bit. Try to think with the head of a hot girl. Your goal is to find the ideal guy. That’s what every woman wants. But it’s hard! You have a bunch of losers hitting on you all day in the clubs, cafés, at school — even on the street. You could have sex with all of them, but for what? All of these guys are the same, and you’re bored with them. Where is a real man? Just wait a little bit, girl … He’s coming soon!

2 What a girl wants, what a girl needs
Welcome back to reality. I hope I made you think a bit in the previous chapter. No more
cheesy Hollywood films for the rest of the book, I promise! Just as men have many traits in common (we like nice tits, asses, cute faces and big cars — or at least, most of us do), it’s the same with women. Even if they seem so different at times, they have many similarities in the way they think and especially in what they’re looking for in a man. I would like to give you an exercise. I know, I know … You hate those, but I promise you’ll enjoy this one.

Call up one of your friend girls, a girl you’re not dating and would consider to be a friend.
You might have wanted to lay her before, or vice versa, but it doesn’t matter now. Following
is a list. Read it to her as if you’re describing her character. I guarantee that she’ll be
surprised. If you did this to a random girl you didn’t even know, she she would be like, “Wow,
how do you know all this about me? Are you psychic or something?”


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