WHY DOES EGO GO SO POWERFUL

The first challenge is to realize you are too well defended. The problem—what makes the ego so powerful—is that it works unconsciously in us most of the time; we don’t even know why we are making all the right moves to elude intimacy and vulnerability, to keep the playing field tilted our way. The ego gets to control us without putting its cards on the table.

Examples of the thoughts that it may sneak into our brains:

• At this moment, this conversation is making me absolutely adore her, but I’ll keep that to myself. It’s better to play a little hard to get, and I hate mushy.
• He seems a little too happy with himself, a little too confident. Better knock him down a peg.
• I like spending time with her, but I have seen some flaws. I don’t want to end up with a loser.
• He just looked at that girl walking by. Oh god, he’s thinks she’s hotter than me.
• She says she was just kidding around, but I see an insult in what she just said. Nobody does that to me. I’m going to give her grief about it.
• When it’s meant to happen, the right person will come into my life. I’m certainly not going to make an effort to find somebody— that would make me look desperate.
• Casual relationships rule: you get the kicks without all the heavy crap.
• I really enjoy the chase and the challenge of someone who is hard to win. But once they give in and love me back, I just lose interest.



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