THE INSTINCTIVE FRIENDSHIP FEELING

The next time you meet someone new, instead of evaluating career success, body, or last name, evaluate the friendship factor first. Is this someone you could be friendly with even if a romantic relationship did not blossom? Could you tell this person private things about yourself, or did you feel you had to put on your game face? If you answered no to the first question, this doesn’t mean you
can’t have the sparks and the wow factor as well; but happy couples are friends, and they seem to realize this almost instantly.



We may fantasize about falling into bed with someone, but just as often, the initial meeting of happily married couples resulted in their staying up all night talking, like best friends who had been apart for years and had a lot of catching up to do. We aren’t taught to fantasize about meeting someone terrific and having the conversation of a lifetime, but maybe we should be. These folks tell me that when they went home finally, they knew that the other person was going to be someone very important because of a feeling they have only when they are with very close and old friends.

The subjective feeling of friendship is accurate: even though you might not have known the other person for long, you have an instinctive feeling of trust—you can obviously communicate with
each other, and there is a joy in pouring out observations, anecdotes, and experiences. You are trying not to impress the other person but to share.



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