STYLE ONE: THE SPARKLER

The Sparkler personality type is happiest with people around and is generally a gifted communicator. Sparklers can read people instantly and can move around a party or meeting like a hummingbird,
exchanging with others on a fairly intimate level very quickly. Envious strangers might believe Sparklers are superficial, but in fact, Sparklers have the gift of creating instant rapport, fast
intimacy, and rapid-growing relationships. Often this personality type is very attractive or has a quality of beauty, style, or charisma that is almost magnetic. Sparklers enjoy fashion, decor, and beautiful surroundings, and they are often cultured and well traveled.

Sparklers love variety, movement, and nice things, but not out of narcissism; rather, the Sparkler loves everything in life that is intriguing, beautiful, enriching, or exotic. Whether it is a gourmet
recipe, a meditation process, or an art exhibit, the Sparkler wants to experience it. Sparklers can drink in beauty and variety and be completely renewed by them. A Sparkler is an excellent
conversationalist, a lively companion, and can find the fun in almost any situation. Sparklers are warm friends and can be extremely caring and loyal, dipping into their formidable store of
energy to help others.



A Sparkler has lots of charm, is typically high energy, and may be very attractive or exude sexual vibes that shout, “Hot stuff!” Conversation and variety actually give her energy and soothe her.
After a stressful workweek, going to a party and making new and interesting friends will restore the Sparkler. Sparklers’ challenges in relationships are distinguishing among their many would-be partners and knowing themselves well enough to communicate their core needs clearly to those
they attract. Because Sparklers derive energy from new acquaintances and shine brightly in the admiration of others, they can easily mistake the high of admiration and novelty for the joy of
blossoming love.

A Sparkler’s Relationship Loop
A Sparkler is a beautiful and charming person who easily captivates men and who enjoys the chase, the seduction, and the excitement of new relationships. Men seem to be easily smitten by her,
understandably, and her typical relationship goes like this: ·· There is rapid seduction, hot chemistry, and quick commitment to exclusivity, with discussions of marriage or a permanent partnership entering the conversation early on.

·· She feels excited celebration, showing off of the new conquest for family review. There are lots of “This is it!” statements and behaviors on both sides. They review logistics—such as where to live and how it all will work—while still in the early days of the relationship.
·· She being an ongoing recitation of the man’s good qualities and special features, to herself, to her friends, and to her therapist.
·· They settle into some kind of routine with extended visits at each person’s home.
·· They begin to have a realization of their differences: He wants quiet, and she wants people and parties. He wants all her attention, while she needs variety, freedom, and lots of new experiences.
·· He cracks down, insisting that, if she loves him, she will shine only for him. She thinks this sounds reasonable and tries. She grows thin, pale, and cranky.
·· She then experiences the rapid onset of stress symptoms: tension headaches, indigestion, cramps, allergy flare-ups, asthma symptoms, backaches, fatigue, and intermittent depression.
·· She enters a period of fogginess, confusion, increased health flare-ups, anxiety dreams—she does not feel like herself. She loses interest in sex, which was their best subject together. He is hurt and bewildered. They fight.
·· She picks fights with him, aggressively finding fault and making it difficult for him to hang on. At this point, she is trying to nudge the relationship to an end-point crisis and may or may not be consciously aware  of it.
·· They break up! She is very gracious about the whole thing and hopes that someday she will meet someone who is right. She resumes her normal activities and soon regains her normal sunny disposition and zest for life.

This is one relatively classic relationship loop for the Sparkler. If you are not a Sparkler, it is easy to assume these folks are shallow, narcissistic, or addicted to the spotlight. Although some “beautiful people” appear not to have developed in some ways, the sparkling personality is simply one that shines brightly and has an instinct for rapport. These people are restored by social interaction and by variety and stimulation. They literally feel sick and drained if they cannot have sufficient interaction. It is easy to assume that Sparklers are dabblers, because they sample so many different things. However, they are more than capable of sticking with some things, as long as they are free to investigate lots of new things on a regular basis. They make excellent journalists, event planners, publicists, talk-show hosts, teachers, facilitators, and sales representatives. I meet Sparklers often in my work in the psychology field, as they love to take new classes and are serious about their personal and spiritual growth.

A Sparkler’s Dreams
Sparklers attract and are drawn to others quite easily, so they often dream of the attraction phase of a relationship. They dream of getting new cars, picking out delightful puppies, and moving into
an ideal home when they are trying to evaluate a new romantic interest. Typically, these dreams reflect details of the good features of the new potential candidate (symbolized as the car, pet,
or home). Because this personality type has few inhibitions to romance or intimacy, there are often few negatives apparent in their early dreams, when the relationship has not yet begun.

After a first date (or a contact sufficient for the deeper mind to start making connections), a Sparkler’s dreams may change strikingly if there are qualities present in the other person that merit
rapid attention and consideration. At this point, the Sparkler may have flashback dreams of being in a past relationship that was hurtful or confining. She may dream of trying to have sex with the other person but something unpleasant or unexpected ruins the moment. These dreams hint that there is some factor beneath the surface, either in the other person or in their chemistry as a couple, that makes the potential for intimacy more complex.

Lynn dreamed of a first kiss with a new man in which he put his tongue in her mouth, and she discovered it was forked, like a snake’s. She did not find this sensual at all but alarming and weird. In waking life, she associated the term forked tongue with lying. She discovered through a mutual acquaintance that indeed he had not been truthful with her about some things in his background. For her, this disqualified him. She felt that if he would lie about small things, he might also be untruthful about larger, more important matters.

Yasmine dreamed of getting into a shiny speedboat with her new guy and zipping out into the sea. Away from shore, however, the engine broke down and they drifted in waters that were suddenly
filled with shark fins. This ominous scene frightened her, and to some extent, it did foreshadow the course of their brief romance. After a speedy launch into their relationship, they didn’t know how to be together, and their ability to communicate broke down (the drifting). They also fought a great deal because he had a style of verbal attack that he thought nothing of but that made her feel put down and devalued (being surrounded on all sides by sharks that might attack whenever she moved).

Sparkler personalities tend to have a lot of cautionary dreams because they are so turned on by new friendships, new possibilities, and new tingles of romance that they focus on the possibilities and make rapid-fire connections. The dreaming mind tends to point out the pitfalls of attractive strangers and fast-burning passion that can be mistaken for fulfilling partnership.

When a Sparkler does find a fulfilling partner, she may dream of returning to her hometown and finding absolute peace there for the first time. One woman met a man she felt content with and
dreamed of being in love with her brother. This sounds disturbing, but the tone of the dream was happy, simple, and positive. It had nothing to do with incest, and she was not secretly attracted
to her own brother. Instead, the dream highlighted qualities that her new friend had in common with her brother, who loved her unselfishly and with whom she had always felt that she could be
herself. It was her deeper mind’s way of suggesting that she had found a partner whose traits she already knew, loved, and trusted.

She was with someone of her own tribe, so to speak, and the connection would be a deep one. Unlike her other relationships, this one has lasted and flourished.

A Sparkler’s Intuition
Sparklers have strong intuitive signals and do well to pay attention to them. Their intuitive signals come typically in two forms: mental flashes and physical sensations or symptoms. They get flashes of understanding and images in their mind’s eye, as if from nowhere. Inside their thoughts, there is an interruption and a flash of a scene or awareness, like a clip from a movie. They may also have strong gut feelings occasionally, but it is more typical for them to experience a sense of knowing in the mind.

Their brilliant sanity may guide them to make snap decisions, which to the casual observer may appear to be independent of known facts or objective data. They simply make a decision and watch themselves execute changes. When asked, they may not even be able to tell you how they knew to take a certain course of action; they just did. Typically, they have a terrific track record with real-world decisions in business or with property, money, and possessions.

When they are in a prolonged situation that’s not right for them, Sparklers experience a dramatic drop in their personal energy. Usually they are the life of the party with boundless energy, but when they
are going against their nature, they will feel chronically drained and muddled, a state completely unlike their normal disposition. This is when you will hear them say they don’t feel like themselves.
When they get seriously off course, a variety of nasty and seemingly unrelated health problems can plague Sparklers. These can include indigestion with no known cause, menstrual complications
that doctors cannot resolve, mysterious muscle aches and spasms, and sensitivities to foods or substances that do not register as allergens when tested. When this occurs, it is vital that Sparklers
tune into themselves again and get back in touch with their own needs at the same time they seek medical attention and psychoemotional support as needed. Sparklers need to consider whether
their sense of energy drain is associated with the life choices they have been making. That is not to say that their health challenges are not real—they are—but they may coincide with a decision
(or relationship) that pulls them away from their natural spirit or removes them from sources of energetic renewal. A diminished sense of satisfaction and vitality are associated with their flare-ups
of symptoms. When a Sparkler gets back on track with her joyous life, her health tends to improve rapidly and dramatically.

Suggestions for Sparklers
Pay attention to your dreams, your physical sensations, and your health when you begin a new relationship. You have a straightforward system that will start to feel off quickly if you have taken a wrong turn and will bubble with joy when you’re going in the right direction. If you start to feel short of breath, drained, or edgy, pay attention. These are early somatic signals that you’re being squeezed of your vitality and separated from your energetic renewal. Make it a habit to be unfailingly honest
with yourself and to look unflinchingly at any intuitive signal that may appear.

If you begin to have a recurring dream, write it down and talk to friends about it, on relationship dreams and symbols, to get started making sense of your dreams. Your dreaming
mind is your best watchdog and will give you important lead time to head off trouble.

Take your time with romance and let things blossom, as difficult as that is for you to do. Allow your partner time to see how busy you like to be and how fulfilling your social calendar is to you.
Be candid about your needs with yourself and others. You don’t just like activity and people—you need them to be happy and healthy.

Look for love in friendship. Instead of falling for spontaneous combustion, which is one of your specialties, look for a friend with a warm, unwavering heart. Your best bet is someone who understands your nature, loves who and what you are, and knows that there is plenty of sunshine to go around.

When you fantasize about love, don’t focus on the movie star you like, the type of hair that turns you on, or how great it would be to have a vacation home abroad. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, but you don’t want to fix them in your unconscious mind. Our fantasies actually become relationship triggers that have a powerful unconscious pull on our feelings. You can find yourself falling for a guy’s profile or his wardrobe because your fantasies have created an emotional imprint, and this can give you a strong sense of recognition and desire toward someone who has the elements of your fantasy. Instead, fantasize about your own good feelings, of being appreciated and accepted, of having someone who praises you and cheers for you. (You don’t have to worry that a fulfilling partnership might not be hot—all your relationships are hot!) Remember, what you fantasize about you will be attracted to. Don’t indulge in fantasy about yucky situations or the feisty psychotic romances depicted in movies. Fantasize about what will make you happy, and you will be feeding those coordinates  into your intuitive GPS system.



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