WHEN TO GET OUT

To create what is possible in a relationship, it is important to recognize that not all relationships can be magical and not all relationships should continue. A magical relationship is only magical when it happens effortlessly and naturally. It doesn’t work if one partner or the other is clear that he or she no longer
wishes to remain in the relationship. If this is the case, then you cannot make the relationship happen.
There are many possible relationships out there for each person, but if you stay in one that is dead or in a constant state of battle, mistrust, or upset, you will never be able to find one that works. If you are feeling sorry for yourself in order to punish your partner or as a way of getting his or her attention and that has become your lifestyle, it may be time to dissolve this relationship and discover one that works for you. If you have stopped having fun and life has become an ongoing process of having to manipulate yourself or your partner to keep him or her interested or engaged, it is very likely time to move on.

In many relationships, one partner recognizes that he or she wants out before the other person comes to the same conclusion. And while one individual is usually the mouthpiece for the relationship, both people have contributed to bringing things to this point. In fact, it has been our experience that both people want out, but it is not usually until later that the person who has been “left” can recognize his or her part in producing the dissolution of the relationship.


LEARNING TO TRUST YOURSELF
Our workshops tend to attract people who are interested in creating relationship “magic” in their own lives.

DISCOVERING WHAT YOU TRULY WANT
Oftentimes people are confused as to whether or not to stay in a relationship. The most common response to this indecision is to step back, take their hands off the wheel and their foot off the gas. Usually people want to judge, evaluate, and think about the situation.

Stepping back will never answer your question. Oh, you will come up with an answer, but it will be generated from your thought processes and the story of your life. If you want to know if you are in the “right” relationship or on the “right” track, engage! Not just with your partner, but in all aspects of your life. Having a magical relationship requires an active engagement with what is going on in your life right now.

SURRENDERING TO YOUR LIFE IS THE KEY
You don’t lose anything when you surrender. Surrendering allows you to assume responsibility for your life. It is about operating as though the circumstances of your life are truly your choice and you are choosing
what you have, not thinking about your preferences. It is operating as though you really want to do whatever it is that your life presents you with, rather than victimizing yourself with your life circumstances.
For most of us, however, there is inertia; it’s almost as if certain aspects of our lives are covered in molasses. There are years of disappointments that make us think it’s not worth trying, not worth going for it. What it takes to get through the inertia is to get engaged with totality. If you are going 100 percent, if you are engaged in your life with totality, your truth becomes apparent—but not as an intellectual exercise. Your
truth will reveal itself to you more as an “of course.”

A lot of the resistance you will experience in going for your life with totality is based on an idea of your own inadequacies put together by an earlier version of yourself—a much earlier version. Again, since the mind is a recording machine of previous conversations regarding the events of our lives, it holds on to old concepts as if they were still fresh and new. When we were very young, our motor skills and coordination were nowhere near what they are as adults, yet a lot of our beliefs and conversations about what we are capable of and what we can or cannot do come from decisions that were formed long before puberty. Ideas that we have of our own desirability, attractiveness, and worth were put in place long before the current version of us came to be.

This being the case, apparently there is nothing you can do except continue to have the same conversations you have had in the past. Ahh, but there is something called Instantaneous Transformation, which happens when you discover how to access and live in the moment. If you get into this current moment and notice old mechanical behaviors as they show up, the noticing of them and of your own thoughts about who you
are and what you are capable of will dissolve these behaviors and allow you the freedom to discover and be yourself.

ENTHUSIASM EQUALS LIFE
What you need to generate the energy to pull yourself into your life and into the moment is enthusiasm. Many of us don’t have that enthusiasm to start with. We are swayed by our thoughts that repeat our inadequacies so that we don’t even bother trying. It is said that the longest journey starts with a single step. You have to begin.

How does one become enthusiastic? Well, most people are looking for something that is worthy of pouring their heart, soul, and passion into. Fear not. You don’t have to look far. Glance around. Where are you in this moment? It doesn’t matter. You can start to generate the enthusiasm you naturally have for living now, in this moment. In fact, that is the only time there is. You don’t have to wait for the circumstances to become more favorable. You have the perfect circumstances for Instantaneous Transformation right now.

Look around your house, your apartment, wherever you are. There are things you have been avoiding completing forever. See what they are and do them. Too tall an order? Okay, start with one, any one. The completion of projects—in fact, completion of any kind—returns energy to you. Wash the dishes,make your bed, make that phone call, run that errand. Start. Starting anything gives you power. Notice when your thoughts say, I don’t want to, I can’t do it, I’m not good enough, I will never be able to get this done, and do it anyway. That is the beginning of reclaiming your life. Feel your energy rush back into you.
Feel yourself come alive. It does not have to be a monumental project. Start with a burned-out light bulb or dusty area you have been skirting for weeks. The two of us are fi rm believers in the “fake-it-until-you-make-it” school of life. If you can’t find enthusiasm for your relationship right now, fake it!

Faking it will lend you the ability to go with totality, and before you know it, you won’t be faking it anymore, or you will be energized to recognize actions that need to be taken.


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