THE GENDER WAR

People talk about the gender war, but they don’t see the subtle and not-so-subtle ramifi cations of unaware behaviors that have been handed down to us through the eons of time, and how these ramifi cations can impact relationships. There used to be a strong and clear division of labor between men and women. The men worked together and the women worked together, which then created two separate subcultures within
the culture as a whole.

This societal division was not equitable. It was fostered in a time when humanity was openly savage and brutal, where “might meant right” and where the larger of the species dominated those under their rule. In most cultures, men, who were physically stronger and more powerful, ran the show. There was cooperation only regarding survival and the needs of survival. The men hung out with the men, and the women hung
out with the women.

That’s the way it was for millions of years. Humanity has only recently discovered the possibility of creating environments that are not based merely on survival and physical power. In the last hundred years, the tribal structure, the family structure, and our cultural heritage have been changed by modern technology and a shifting of social values. Not so long ago, one could not survive outside the tribal or family unit. But with the advent of modern technologies, humanity has been thrown irrevocably into a new time where gender does not determine your social station for the rest of your life.



There was a time in this society when a woman could be only a teacher, librarian, nurse, secretary, clerk, housewife, or mother. The possibility for a woman to become a doctor, lawyer, bank executive, plumber, or police offi cer was slim to none. Until fairly recently, these professions and many others were off-limits to women. Now they are available, but there is still the social baggage—resentments and prejudices—that has
been handed down about what is “woman’s work” and what a woman is good for.

Traditionally, a woman’s identity was tied to her role as part of a relationship in which she was expected to maintain and care for a family, and a man’s role was associated more with having a job and being the breadwinner. If you want your relationship to flourish, it is important to become aware of the stereotypes and prejudices ingrained in your thoughts. They create the background over which your current relationship is played. There are many different facets to the war between the genders, and we are going to outline them so that you can become aware of them as factors that can undermine an otherwise healthy relationship.

CULTURALLY INGRAINED HOT SPOTS
A couple once came to us for counseling because they had read some of our articles and wanted help with their relationship. The four of us sat down, and we asked what was happening between them. Steve and Terri, who had been married for almost thirty years, started to lay out the source of their strife. We were surprised at the particulars.

If you want to attack a woman, one effective tool is to criticize her attractiveness, weight, or appearance. An effective tool to attack a man is to criticize his ability to produce or provide. If you wish for harmony in your relationship, it is important to be aware that both you and your partner have culturally ingrained hot spots. If you know what they are, you don’t have to unwittingly trigger them.

FAMILY TRADITIONS
You are probably familiar with the phrase “war between the sexes,” but have you thought to investigate all of the fronts on which the gender war appears and is fought? It is essential to bring awareness to all of the ways you have unknowingly been recruited into the fight if you want a magical relationship.
The two of us were once on our boat, slowly cruising through a marina on the way to the gas dock. From a distance, we heard angry voices shouting. The man’s voice said something like, “You never . . . ,” and at the same time, the woman’s voice was yelling, “You always. . . .” As we motored past their boat, which was tied to the dock, we saw that the woman was seated, busily filing her nails while shouting sarcastically over
her shoulder at her mate. He was standing glowering behind her, beer in hand, yelling down at her back. The name of the boat was (and we are not making this up) Family Tradition.

You have learned a lot of your attitudes toward the opposite sex, including body postures, tone of voice, and other ways of relating, from your family. If you want to see how you engage in the gender war, then simply dispassionately look at your own family life. If you can look at anything from your own childhood without judging what you see, you can begin to unwire the legacy that has been passed down from generation
to generation.

Don’t forget the first of the Three Principles of Instantaneous Transformation: what you resist persists and grows stronger. If you are judging the way your parents related and you have vowed to do it differently, then you most likely will relate in one of two ways. As you get older, either you will become more and more like the parent whom you resisted, or when faced with conflict, for instance, you will do the opposite.
If he or she was a person who yelled and you promised yourself you would never yell at your spouse, then in times of stress, you may suddenly “snap” and yell at your partner or you will become quiet and withdrawn. Neither position creates the balance people are craving.

CASUAL CONVERSATION AND GOSSIP CAN BE CORROSIVE
People who are fighting with the opposite sex will often try to gather agreement from everyone they come in contact with to support their point of view. This is such an automatic behavior that the prejudicial viewpoint will naturally slip unnoticed into conversation. If you don’t bring awareness to this condition, it will erode even the best relationship.

UNEXAMINED STEREOTYPES CONTRIBUTE TO THE WAR
Women often suppose that men are prejudiced against women, and men suppose that women are prejudiced against men, but generally neither gender looks to see the prejudices they have about themselves. If you don’t become aware of your own internal prejudices about people of your own sex, you will unwittingly assign these prejudices to your partner. In other words, you will blame your partner for your own unexamined viewpoint.

To see and neutralize the gender war in all its forms, you need to become aware of the attitudes and stereotypes you have unwittingly gathered about the opposite sex, as well as those you have collected about your own gender. In this day and age, both men and women can perform almost any job. However, over the course of their lives, everyone has been exposed to cultural norms, and eventually these generalities become superimposed over reality.

UNEXAMINED PREJUDICES CONTRIBUTE TO THE WAR

The unexamined gender war affects not only the relationship you have between you and yourself or you and your mate; it also affects how you relate to everyone in your life. By simply observing your automatic attitudes without judging what you see, your way of relating will transform in a profound manner.


If you want to submit articles, poems, love stories, love letters, write ups you like to share to us and to the world. Kindly email us at authorsviewpoint@gmail.com We will email you back once it is up on our site with credits and feature you as the author of the month. Continue supporting www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com Thank You my Loves! ;) 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER:Some of the photos, links, articles are not owned by the site, and/ or not being stored by the site.Comments are views expressed by the readers. www.lovelifediaries.blogspot.com may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right of freedom to express.If you think we should remove those aforementioned elements due to copyright infrequent, feel free to tell us, and we will comply.