The first time I saw it I had my suspicions but didn't say anything. I decided to bite my tongue and wait. Weeks later it was still hanging up on his wall, taunting me. Who is this girl that he felt was significant enough to be framed on his wall? Really, I'm not all that jealous.
That's a lie. I actually am.
"Who's the girl in the picture?" I unashamedly asked.
"That's just my ex-girlfriend" he responded oh so nonchalantly.
Ya, that's what I thought.
"If you don't want to talk to her then why do you insist on picking up her calls? It just gives her another reason to call and for you to pick up. You're just provoking her," I argued.So your boyfriend "thinks" he's over his ex-girlfriend yet you're not quite convinced, especially with the accumulating evidence that you keep finding. It starts with the random pictures hidden in the drawer that you accidentally find or an email you stumble upon. You come across really unusual things that you know just shouldn't belong there such as her class schedule, a journal that she kept for him, old cards, or love notes. There are even some of her clothes hidden in the back of his drawer. It's one thing to keep memorabilia stashed away in a box up in your closet, under your bed, or even buried somewhere in your back yard. It's another thing to have it lying around your apartment where it's visible for your current girlfriend to see. To make matters worse "the ex" is still calling on a weekly basis. What's more disturbing is that he's still taking her phone calls. What's even weirder is that all he does is talk about how much he hates talking to her. It doesn't make sense.
"If you don't want to talk to her then why do you insist on picking up her calls? It just gives her another reason to call and for you to pick up. You're just provoking her," I argued.So your boyfriend "thinks" he's over his ex-girlfriend yet you're not quite convinced, especially with the accumulating evidence that you keep finding. It starts with the random pictures hidden in the drawer that you accidentally find or an email you stumble upon. You come across really unusual things that you know just shouldn't belong there such as her class schedule, a journal that she kept for him, old cards, or love notes. There are even some of her clothes hidden in the back of his drawer. It's one thing to keep memorabilia stashed away in a box up in your closet, under your bed, or even buried somewhere in your back yard. It's another thing to have it lying around your apartment where it's visible for your current girlfriend to see. To make matters worse "the ex" is still calling on a weekly basis. What's more disturbing is that he's still taking her phone calls. What's even weirder is that all he does is talk about how much he hates talking to her. It doesn't make sense.
"Because we're friends and if I don't pick up she'll continue to call until I do," he responded.
Or so he says.
"So don't pick up." It's that simple.
It's easy to pull the "we're just good friends" card. Surely, there's still a spark that burns between them but they broke up for a good reason. So why is she still hanging around like yesterday's garbage? Bitter. Maybe. On the one hand, she's still got her claws into him, and is smugly letting you know that they have a history together. Meanwhile, there he is in the middle, getting his ego massaged on both sides.
I would argue understandably that his behavior might be some cause for concern. Who wouldn't feel slightly awkward if their significant other talked to their ex regularly? Most guys cut friendships with their exes down to a casual acquaintance or to none at all. They may catch up from time to time and keep in touch. They do not, however, spend most of their time away from their girlfriend with their ex. In his situation he dumped her because it wasn't working out between them. For all we know it could have been due to an excruciating long distance relationship, bad living situations, an abnormal growth of body hair, or an unwanted distinct odor. It's not because he stopped loving her.
Remember, though they may appear close, she is his ex-girlfriend for a reason. Something went wrong. Yes, she has everything you don't except for one thing, the man in question.Let's face it. Women have enough insecurities of their own without having to compete with the ex girlfriend. No one wants to seem like the jealous, possessive type. Though some of us can hide it better than others. It's difficult to be the mature girlfriend and pretend that everything is peachy keen when your boyfriend wants to keep in touch with his ex. So what's your next alternative? Simple. Confront the bitch and tell her to back off by leaving her threatening messages on MySpace. Not exactly the best approach but certainly the most effective. Then again you can always get over it and accept his past.
Months later we find ourselves in our usual Sunday routine- sitting on the couch watching really bad movies that I so happen to enjoy. I look up and there she is. Still perfectly framed on his wall. Untouched.
"Her picture is still up on your wall," I said without refraining from the TV.
"Would you like me to take it down?" he asked as his eyes were glued to the TV as well.
"No. Don't do it on my account. You can keep it up there if you please. Who am I to tell you who to put up on your wall (your girlfriend, that's who)?" I respond sarcastically. As much as I wanted him to take it down, I really had no right to tell him what to do. It's too soon to come off as the insanely, green-eyed girlfriend.
He gets up from the couch and approaches the picture frame. "How about this? I won't do it for you. I won't do it for me. I'll do it for us."
And down she went.
A is 23 years old and resides on the Upper East Side. She's easily seduced by sushi and lip gloss of all assortments. Her passions are all things Buffy the Vampire Slayer, step aerobics, astrology, and boys with blazers. She'll peak your curiousity about sex, love and relationships for the those who are fixated on the issues as much as she is.
I completely understand where you're coming from. Dealing with your boyfriend's ex is never easy. And as secure you may feel about yourself and your relationship, exes are always sensitive subject to discuss. You deserve more credit than you give yourself. I would have lost it from the moment they made any physical contact- brush against the hand, shoulders touching, etc. But, obviously, I'm a jealous person by nature. Hey, love will make you do crazy things, or maybe that's just jealousy. Confronting him about your feelings (and his) for his ex was the way to go. You need to have an honest talk about this, even if it means having to ask the hard questions- is he still " in love" her? Will he continue to see her? What kind of relationship does he have with her? And most importantly, can you continue to trust him? I cannot stress enough how trust is so important in a relationship. It's okay to have your doubts. We're only human. But if at the end of the day, all you want is to be with the one you love, then your trust for him will slowly build into something solid (so long as he doesn't fuck up on the way to gaining your trust). You're boyfriend would be a fool to cheat on you with his ex-girlfriend after what she did to him. If that were the case, he never deserved you at all. Trust your feelings. And as cliche and oh-so-corny as it sounds, listen to your heart. I hope you crazy kids work it out!
Women have this notion that keeping things from a previous relationship means that you are still in love with the girl. But in all honesty, I think it's just because we are too lazy to get rid of them :)
Of course, she'll get mad because she'd taught you still care for them. Besides, where'd you keep them? Absolutely not in your wallet, do you? I'm sure girls would not mind seeing old pictures laid about in an old album. But if the picture was on a frame or in your wallet, she'd be feeling insecure to death.
I hate the fact my guy has photos of his ex. But, they're not in a frame or out in the open. They're in a box with other photos of his past. I'm secure enough to accept he wants to hold on to memories. But, you shouldn't have to "hide" things from your girlfriend. And you should also ask yourself this....why the hell do you feel the need to hold on to the pictures?
I don't think the question should be if it's "normal" to keep pictures of past girlfriends. Of course it's normal. Every single person you meet has a past filled with prior relationships, friendships, and situations so having photo documentation of this past is something that every one is going to have.
In this case the question should be more like, "is it acceptable to keep pictures of past girlfriends?" I have a humungous box of old pictures from when I was in high school. It's filled with pictures of friends and my ex-boyfriend whom I dated for four years. I keep these photos because they remind me of good times that I had when I was younger. They also show how far you've come. Chances are you're not going to throw all of your old memories out just because it bothers someone else.
If your new girlfriend is giving you trouble about it then I think it's high time to have a conversation with her. I'm not saying to display the pictures of you and your ex on the mantle or anything, because if you were then I would doubt the solidity and seriousness of the relationship that you're in now, and would understand her concern, but if they're stowed away and she has a problem with it, you're not in the wrong. I have seen hundreds of pictures with my fiancee and his ex but I am confident in our relationship and know that he has had a past with other people besides me. Now, if I went into his room and found the pictures sprawled out around him of him and her and all the good times they had together, that would be a different story. I also think that it depends on what the pictures are of. Anything that would make the average person blush is probably not the best thing to keep.
It's all in the explanation of why you still have the pictures. Keeping them for memories, great. Keeping them because you can't let go of the past, probably not the best idea.
A lot would depend upon your present relationship, if you are in any at present, and how your girl-friend would take it, though speaking of relationships, once you have closed a chapter, why should you want to hold back to past things? Speaking of the question whether is it normal to keep pictures of past girlfriends, well that is actually your personal choice and how and why you ended the relationship, did it end from your side, or hers, was it mutual, are you in a new relationship etc.
Whenever you are into a relationship, it feels so right, it feels like this is the best thing that could happen to you, and you go way out to please each other etc. But the moment somethings go haywire, all is lost and you feel the world has come to an end, yet life moves on, and we all have our lives to live, with or without each other.
In such cases, it would be advisable to close the chapters of the past, and be in the present, as it's only then that you can move ahead in life.
P.S.
For me, I would really delete the pictures and other memorabilias about my past love, not because that others may think that I hated him or the likes of, but because I don't want my partner to feel bad about himself, having difficulties in accepting and understanding about the senario, and even be doubtful of himself. Past is past. Why would we cling on it to the present or even to the future. If it doesn't even mean anything to you know, I would suggest that you clean everything make sure that your present relationshipship will have a hard time dealing with this things. Don't play games with emotions, don't let your partner be in puzzle state of mind or keep up on how you think, because if you love him/her you would surely don't want to loose him/her or even hurt him/her. It is applicable to both parties. Pay attention to your partner, and how to make him/her happy. It's not just about yourself anymore, its about the people you love that you wouldn't want to be hurt. Compromise, understanding, and Trust in part of it, but don't just sit there without doing anything and flaunt it the way you want to, you have to work for it. It may not be disturbing to you, but come to think of it, If it isnt worth it why keep it?